4th Day of Chemo

Just finished chemo. Had a little bit of nausea last night but not much. Knocked it out with Ondansetron. Am pretty fired up over the fact that I'm not sick yet. That's pretty cool especially after having such a good appetite during Christmas.

Will keep you in the loop. So far so good.

Hey, Noah! How are you doin', big guy!

Sr.

3rd day of chemo

Despite the elevated spirit that comes with the report that you have killed a malignant cancer, I'm back on chemo and the stomach that comes with it has returned. I eat, take the anti nausea tablet, take my chemo and then hit the bed. I have to be real still for some reason or else I get sick.

I'm really high about the 100% remission thing but even life saving news like that can be overpowered by the illness I call chemo.

Hangin tough, two more days to go then two weeks of being sick during withdrawl. Despite all that, my next chemo, as I understand it, is my last chemo. Ooooo Rahhhhh.

Sr.

Cancer in remission

Seems like a mighty long battle is coming to an end. Got the official report this afternoon that I am 100% cancer free. I have a lot of telephone calls to make so I hope you'll understand why this is so short.

Thanks everybody for all the support during this really tough fight.

Sr.

2nd day of chemo

So far, so good. I have to go back to radiation today for a follow up as well as a psyc appt. this afternoon. Have not been sick yet but I know it's coming so I'm packing in the Ondansetron.

Am really interested to find out what the shrink wants. Will let ya'll know when I'm done with the "consult". Bet a million bucks it's about witnessing the murder of civilians in Cambodia.

Sr.

On chemo now.

I ended my Christmas holiday eating fest last night and prepared to get back on the chemo trip today. I prepared for the dose this morning with a two cup breakfast of cereal and an Ondansetron tablet. I took the chemo and am laying down on the sofa waiting for whatever is going to happen..............to happen.

Kristin is working at the lab everyday and for the past two weeks has been working the night shift (3 to 11). It's a 23 hour per day medical lab and she has to qualify to work any and all shifts.

Tim Jr reported for duty this morning at the reserve center in Bossier at oh dark thirty. I heard him leave and it was still dark outside. Don't know how long it's going to take him today as it's day number 1 but I hope he gets home early afternoon because Kristin is leaving for work and I really don't want to be alone on day 1 of chemo.

I know I'm going to be sick over the next 21 days but I also know that I only have one more phase of chemo before this is over with. I feel like I can take anything even though the thought process of getting back on chemo has made me a bit nervous about it all.

I have an appointment tomorrow at the VA. Everybody who goes through chemo and radiation has to make a trip to the shrink. I think it's due to suicide prevention or something like that but in my case, I think it's a result of simply answering the many questions they've asked me about my tour in Vietnam and especially my tour in Cambodia. When I was asked if I'd ever witnessed the murder of civilians and I said "yes", they sent me to the 10th floor.

It's been pretty difficult to identify dates and such as they tell me my flight records are classified and not a part of my DD 214 document.

When I expanded on that inquiry they made another appointment for me to see the Chief of Staff. I'm not sure if they don't believe me or if witnessing the murder of civilians is something that automatically puts you under the microscope. I just want all of this stuff to be over.

At any rate, despite the fact that I know I'm going to be sick in January and February, I also know that this time frame is suppossed to mark the end of treatment and no more being sick. I feel like I can put up with torture if they'll just let me go March 1st. That's just in time for better weather and the spring / summer season. Still hangin tough.

Sr.

Chemo starts again tomorrow.

Well, I'm counting my blessings for being without the nausea during Christmas Day and today. I've enjoyed eating like a normal person.

Tomorrow is the return to the misery that comes with chemotherapy. Despite the fact that this is one of the things that has saved my life, it has surely been a tough road to travel. I'll start on the 28th and quit on the 1st of February. I'll be pretty sick until the 15th or 16th of February. I'll start again on the 26th and that should be the last dose of chemo for me.

All of this depends on a confirmation from Oncology that the cancer is not spreading and I'm more than willing to pay the price in exchange for life.

Hangin' tough.

Sr

No drugs, lots of food, lots of rest= strength

It's Wednesday night and Tim Jr has taken me to dinner at El Chico's and we've just returned.

My strength is returning almost by the day. After the 30 pound weight loss, I managed to gain 2.1 pounds last week and certainly more this week. The abscense of weakness is noticeable. I'm not dizzy or unsteady when I'm on my feet anymore.

My days and nights are little bit messed up right now but Tim Jr says "when you're sleeping, you're healing". He's been right on all his predictions so far so I'm not letting the fact that I didn't get out of my pajamas until 4 pm today bother me that much. If I feel the need to eat and just rest and regain my strength, that's what I do.

I messed up and tried to go back to work when I first got off chemo but ended up sick in a hotel room one night and the very next week, did the same thing. I ended up in the bed at my friend's house (Tommy and Lanell) but managed to recoup after a shot of Ondansetron and an hour and a half in their guest bedroom. Got a call from one of my bosses advising me to "not overdo it". Man, was he right. They've been super supportive and continue to emphasize the need for me to get back to 100% and not overdo it.

In any event, all of this has been OJT for me. I now know that when the last phase of chemo is over in roughly sixty three days, I'll be able to duplicate the strength scenario mentioned above and hopefully return to some degree of physical normalcy. I'm planning on it.

That's it for now. Will keep you guys in the loop. Have a Merry Christmas and keep smilin'.,

Sr.

Early Christmas

I'll just put a short note here regarding my early Christmas Present.

My buddy Stan gave me a home made bazooka for Christmas. His has been test fired in the front yard and resulted in Tim Jr telling me I can't shoot it in the neighborhood. We're gonna take it to Dixie Garden where two other bazooka owners live and have a contest.

Mine has a mighty big propellant chamber and I think I'm sure to win the contest. You can put all kinds of things down the bore of this puppy. Right now it has two tangerenes in there. They act like a canon ball. You put something in front of the tangerines such as buck shot, a molitove cocktail or whatever you chose to shoot, and the rest is history.

Kinda makes home security take on a different meaning. I like my bazooka.

Sr.

One month and one day

I've been off chemo since November 20th. Normally, as most of you know, I'm on for 5 days and off for 25 days. It's just what they do when you are taking twice the normal dose.

Roughly, I've been off 6 days longer than normal. As odd as it may sound, I can tell the difference between the 25th day off and the 31st day off. My strengh is returning. Small things like the absence of weak knees or unsteady legs, is visibly noticeable.

I've also been off any nausea drug for roughly six days. I can tell the difference there, too.

What all this means is this: When I finish the last two installations, I'll know that I should be able to return to a somewhat normal physical condition in roughly a month. I'm pretty fired up.

More as all this unfolds and I begin chemo again on the 28th.

Sr

Strength Coming Back

My strength is returning. It's doing so without the requirement to nap twice per day. I'm not sure how much of that is due to being off chemo for my 25 day off period plus a few days but any way you look at it, I can tell the difference.

I'm really pleased that I'll be able to eat on Christmas Day instead of being sick. Before Doc released me and gave me the extra week off chemo, my plan for Christmas Day was being in bed next to the "bucket".

Tim Jr and Joey have installed the HD TV and the 5 LMB dish in my motorhome. I now have a zillion channels and all of it is on the HD. I also have wireless.

This is already starting off to be a great Christmas. Cancer not spreading, HDTV, Wireless! Not bad for an old road warrior like me. Will keep ya'll informed.

Martha, I ran into Jett week before last. Hello to Jay and welcome aboard to Joe Provenza from kindergarten days.

Sr.

Day 29

I've been off chemo for 29 days. Should have already been back on it but Doc let me have Christmas off. If not, I'd be finished with my five day "on" schedule and already be sick as a dog. I'm one happy camper. I had spagetti and meat balls last night and watched "Inglorius Baserds" on cd. Was fun.

I know I have to go back on it two more times but I feel like I can handle anything now. I'll get back on it on the 28th and after that, I'll only have one more schedule of it. That will come in January. As I understand things, I'll only have 1 day per month in the hospital that's a mandate. Ooooh Rah!!!

Sr. Feelin' good.,

Clear headed

The longer you stay off chemo, the more clarity of mind exists. I haven't taken anything for days including Ondansetron. I actually feel pretty good. Frame of mind is a huge thing when you go through the battle of life and malignant cancer. I don't feel invince-able but I do feel pretty good.

I think back on a couple of buddies I used to work with that have already passed away. I've had a second chance that Laddie and Dale didn't get. I feel confident that I'm going to return to my old self within a short period of time after I take that last shot of chemo. Outside of that, I'll only have to return to the hospital one day per month for a blood test and a catscan. That's a long way from being in the hospital 20 days per month like I have been. It's been a long haul since the wreck that occurred on Father's Day.

Thanks to all for sticking by me especially Jay, Woody, Hubert, Joey, Melis, CB, Harkey, Aunt Margie, Leland, Elaine, Kristin and Jr. Could not have endured it like I did without you guys and gals.

In any event, just wanted ya'll to know that I can actually feel the difference between day 20 (off of chemo) and today. Every day seems to be just a little easier for me. I actually gathered up my hospital bills and put them in an envelope and mailed them to Progressive for payment. Doesn't sound like a big deal but I hadn't been able to do that until now.

Feelin' good and looking forward to tomorrow.

Sr.

The end times of treatment.

Getting off double dosages of chemo on November 20th and staying off until today December 16th, has taught me a lesson. You're gonna be sick as a dog during the withdrawl period but in reality, that's a good sign as it relates to one's immune system. Mine is working fine and my blood pressure is the best it's been in 20 years. Blood count is great and my system is clearly fighting the cancer instead of fighting the chemo.

I don't have to start again until the 28th because Doc decided I could wait until then and enjoy a Christmas lunch. I should have started again day before yesterday but the "cancer is not spreading" report stimulated Doc to let me have a few days off the sick wagon because of the progress we've all made.

This means that I'll have a sick period in January and February but after that, I'm done with all of it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it sure feels good to know that I'm not going to be a burden on Tim and Kristin. Will have to go back for periodic catscans and blood tests but that's a walk in the park compared to chemo.

Will keep you guys in the loop. Thanks for hangin in there with me and not giving up.

Sr.

Well, you ain't gonna believe this.

Jr woke me up this morning and said: "Pop, you ain't gonna believe this but I need the key to the truck to get in the glove box so I can show the cops the title".

I asked him: "Cops? What for?".

Jr said: "Well, it seems that some crack head crashed into the truck last night and left his bumper stuck in the front of the truck. I just need to prove that it's our truck".

I got out of bed, threw on a coat and went to the street where I found one of Shreveport's finest filling out some paper work. I took a look at the front of my truck which is a heavy duty Ford F 150 with one of those bumpers that has the steel cable clamps on the front if you ever need to be pulled out of a hole. The front of the truck is heavy duty.

In between those steel cable clamps and the bumper, his rear bumper was stuck. That's right, rear bumper. The crack head was flyin down the steet backward, crashed into the truck and then hauled ass without his rear bumper.

Jr's on the phone with the insurance company right now. He told me to promise ya'll that he'd take some pics with a digital camera and put it on the blog.

Now, when you get the word on Monday that your cancer is "not spreading" a little news like somebody did a hit run on your truck, ain't no big deal. Far out. More later when Jr does the photo work.

Sr.

Yeee Haaa! Cancer NOT spreading.

Yeee Haaa. Cancer NOT spreading.

Report from Oncology dept today says cancer not spreading! GBM4 is classified as the most aggressive kind of cancer. This is a huge victory for me. I still have to do chemo until the end of February to complete the clean up and will be required to have monthly check ups but at least I won't be pushing up daisies before my time!

More later. Feelin' good. Gonna go have lunch with Jr. Thanks to everybody for putting the afterburner on the prayer lamp and all the well wishes I've received.

Thanks especially to Jay, Woody, Hubert and crew who have supported me since the day of the wreck.

Sr.

Monday is IT.

Joey and Tim jr worked all day today on getting Jr's furniture in the house. In the midst of all that, the motorhome now has HD TV and wireless. It's great.

I'm going in for blood work in the morning and then an appointment with Oncology regarding my Catscan. I'm tired of waiting on a progress report. Am really tired but will make a point of posting late Monday.

Sr.

Attn: Harris, brief note.

Harris, send me an email to TButler94@hotmail.com. Need to keep in touch with you and Pope. Tim Jr arrived at 3:30 am after a 21 hour drive.

Nausea is gone but it takes about 15 or 16 days of withdrawl before the stomach eruptions stop. I lost 31 pounds but have gained almost 3 since I've stopped being sick. Catscan done but no report yet. Will know Monday and fill you guys in.

Tell Noah I said "hey".

Sr

Catscan complete

I feel like I've spent a million hours at the hospital this week. Blood, agent orange, ptsd, oncology, radiaology, dermatology and now the catscan.

I was a little concerned about the injection of dye in my veins to give the "contrast". The last catscan I had, I don't remember. It was right after the brain surgery and I wasn't clear headed at all about anything. The one before that, I was still unconscious from the wreck.

Some of the guys had been complaining about the damage to the kidneys from the dye. The fact that the technician said: "I cant do the catscan until your blood work is complete because without it, your kidneys are at risk". Damn, what a comment. My blood pressure went up to 140 over 95 with that announcement. All I need is another problem.

In any event, the radiology department has to read the catscan and I couldn't get the results back today. My Oncologist will give me the word Monday. I have more blood work Monday morning and then an appointment with him at 1 pm.

I hate like nobody's business that I have to wait all week end long to find out if I'm going to get one of those "live or die" statements. If I'm clean, I'm home free. If not, I can't stand another brain surgery for tumor removal so I'll have one hell of a decision to make then.

In any event, after all this time, I wish I knew the answer instead of wondering about it. Tim Jr will be here around midnight and he's going to have to deal with all this starting tomorrow. I really can't deal with the paper work and, at the same time, be sick. Just doesn't work. I'm ready for a clean bill of health and a "congratulations" on how you've handled it. I'm really ready to put all this behind me if that's possible.

I guess that's it so far. I'll let ya'll know whazzup as soon as we get the word.

Sr.

Today's hospital visit

Went to Radiology and was escourted to Catscan by Waylon and Cathy.

Had to leave there and go to Hemotology for testing because they have to check blood to determine if your kidney can take the injection of dye. Went back to Catscan and was delayed so I was sent to Dermatology to get that out of the way before going back to Catscan.

When I returned, they were still awaiting blood reports. Many patients in line at that time so I'll have to go back tomorrow. Will let ya'll know what the verdict is as soon as I get it.

Doesn't seem like much of a chore to go to the hospital and go from department to department but it sure wore me out. Will update tomorrow.

Congrats to young James III for his acceptance to Colombia University.

Sr.

Wrecker to the VA

Couldn't win for losing today. Went to the hospital to do a "weigh in". I've gained 2.1 pounds which is a good thing. Don't want to try and replace all 31 that I lost after the chemo withdrawl but a slight gain to offset the upcoming loss with the next withdrawl period is better than dropping down to 170 pounds. On the up side of that, I only have one more withdrawl period for December. one for January and then I'm done in February.

Went up to Oncology and showed them the agent orange rash that now covers my entire body. Now I have an agent orange appointment and a brain scan at the catscan department tomorrow.

Thinking that I'd really done the right thing cause the agent orange appointment is almost certain to see me back on Prednezone, I went downstairs to the parking lot and prepared to eat lunch at 2:40 or so. Truck wouldn't start. It turned over just fine but wouldn't start.

Called Al Carroll's and they gave me the number of the wrecker they use. Number was busy. Now I'm stranded. I called Phil, part of my support group and friend since kindergarten days, and he came to the rescue. He picked me up, took me to get something to eat and then took me back to Tim and Kristin's.

Carroll's got in touch with the wrecker people and my truck was hauled to Al's shop. Hopefully I'll have some wheels by tomorrow's brain scan appointment. This hasn't been an easy day. The frustration of being without wheels is compounded by the ever present "sting" that comes when the agent orange is running wild.

All during the time I was at home (Leesville) I was on Prednezone and it completely controls the agent orange and everything was fine. I was working every day and never missed a single minute of work due to Agent Orange. The Prednezone is somewhat of a pain in the ass cause you have to take it on a full stomach and take it 3 times per day. Despite that, I operated as well or better than anybody else. Was always ahead of time and never missed a second of the action that takes place at work.

That may sound a little freaky to some but working for a Construction Aggregates Company is a cool thing. Barges, Push Boats, trains, rail cars, 18 wheelers, bull dozers, huge Tonka toy style front end loaders, tanks, jeeps, helicopters, gunships, you name it, we have it at work. I miss the game!

In any event, I may have to call a cab to go to the hospital tomorrow but you can bet I'll make those two appointments. I'll let ya'll know the results of the catscan as soon as they let me know.

Hangin' in there.

Sr.

Brain Catscan tomorrow

Tomorrow gonna be the big day for me. "We want to prove nothing is up there". I wasn't sure how I should take that comment from the hospital but I'm sure they were referring to "nothing" as tumors.

I'm not suffering from nausea today and that's 3 days in a row that I haven't been sick. Far out!

Will let ya'll know how the catscan comes out as soon as they let me know.

Sr.

No nausea at all today

I think today is day 17. I've had no nausea of anykind today and didn't even take my Ondansetron till about 11:30 this morning. I think the key here is simply biting the bullet and accepting that you're gonna be one sick puppy for a couple of weeks while the withdrawl from chemo does it's thing. I hate it, it's horrible, it makes you miserable everyday and every night but it's only for two weeks. If that's the price to pay, I'll pay it for a clean bill of health. I just wish it hadn't taken so long to kill all the little boogers runnin' round in my body.

Remember, it's all about perspective. This isn't nearly as bad as fighting in Cambodia. I still say that after all this time.

Jr. coming to Shreveport for a year. Only 5 more days and he can take over the paper work for the benefit packages that I've had so much trouble with. Come on Jr.

sr.

Sunday Breakfast

Today is day 16 and I went to George's for breakfast this morning. No problems. Will take it easy on the couch and maybe watch a game. Not as weak as I was yesterday. It just takes time to let the body do whatever it has to do when you're coming off chemo. It's a hard ride but when it's over, you can actually eat.

Sr.

My 15th day off chemo

I got off chemo on November 20th, that was 15 days back.

This has been the toughest withdrawl period I've had or even imagined. I have 10 days left before all this begins again. I've eaten today but haven't had enough energy to do anything to speak of. Stayed home all day except for a run to eat with Kristin.

The nausea is still there periodically but it isn't anything at all like the nausea that comes right after the withdrawl begins. With this nausea, I should probably define it as stomach upset.

In any event, I think I've gained a pound or two in the last two days. I hope so. The 31 pound loss appears to have brought some weakness with it.

I'm hangin in there but anxious to go back south.

Sr.

Weight Loss vs. Energy Level

Have lost 31 pounds and am realizing a bit of weakness as a result of that. Nausea level is there but it's very low. The more days I have since coming off chemo, the lower the nausea level becomes. It all sucks pretty much but I'm in a hell of a lot better shape than the other guys at the VA. I'm thankful for that.

The energy thing makes my mornings extremely difficult. Talk about slow starts. I can't seem to get my vocal chords working till around 11 a.m. everyday. Usually they are ready 24/7 but recently, morning "anything" has been difficult.

Hangin in there but really tired.

Curt thanks for the recollection about the concussion damage to my ear during Nighthawk ops. Even though I didn't bleed, it sure was a painful wound rec'd during battle with the dinks. I have another appointment at the VA about all of that in a few days.

Sr.

Omeprezol

Kristin has a script for Omeprezol for me to take along with the Ondansetron. That hasn't completely taken away the nausea today or yesterday but it has changed my definition of nausea.

Instead of being on the verge of hugging the toilet, you simply have a stomach upset that isn't quite the kind that takes you to the thunder mug. It's the kind that puts you in the bed and inspires you to take a plastic bucket with you while hoping you won't have to use it.

Getting off chemo is way worse than getting off radiation.

I'm hangin in there and using new, improved cuss words when I talk to the cancer cells. Can't use them here cause lots of really straight folks read this but just so my big brother will know and feel comfortable that I'm still fighting hard, my new cuss word list comes directly from Tim Jr who has inquired among many of his Navy buddies to insure that I'm calling them the lowest possible names available. You know, "cussin' like a sailor".

Sr.

MONDAY

I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY MADE IT THROUGH LUNCH TODAY. THAT'S TWO MEALS WITHOUT BEING SICK. ONDANSETRON AND ELECTOLYTE DRINKS ARE HELPING ME DEAL WITH THE 30 POUND WEIGHT LOSS AND THE DEHYDRATION. THIS HAS EASILY BEEN THE WORST WEEK I'VE HAD SINCE THE BEGINNING OF CHEMO AND RADIAITON.

I've become pretty weak since all the nuasea business hit a couple of days ago. That was the worst period of time I've had but I'm feeling a little bit better now, just weak and out of energy. I'm sure it's from the physical hardship that comes with stuff like that.

Sprits are up and there's no need to call the suicide hot line. I have an appointment at the va tomorrow so I'll get an update then. Doing better.

Sr.

Saturday 10 a.m.

Made it through last night without having to experience any more nausea. Got up this morning at 8:30 and immediately took an Ondansetron tablet. Felt good, ate two cups of corn flakes and sat back to see if I could keep it down. It worked.

Decided to push it a little and began doing a load of clothes. I also made a cup of coffee but haven't tried that yet. Hope that works. Going with Joey today to try and eat some lunch at Melissa's. Hope that works too but will not gorge myself like I did Thanksgiving.

Hang tough guys, just don't forget your antinausea stuff. It will go away and you will be able to eat again. Oooorah!

Sr.

Not for the weak stomach crowd

Not for the weak stomach crew. This is for Stan and Tom.

I have more than one antinausea tablet to take. I ran out of Ondansetron and the alternative did not work. I puked 21 times today. That's right, 21 times. I tried to make it on the front porch to get some fresh air and ended up on the floor. The US Mail lady happened upon that scene and helped me into the house.

Joey went to the VA and refilled my Ondansetron and within 15 minutes I'd stopped throwing up. I'm weak but actually going to try and eat.

Boys, DO NOT run out of your anti nausea tabs even if you have an alternative. This is the worst day I've had since the beginning of this. I didn't know a human being could be that sick that many times.

Doing better now...........because...........it is my job to be a cancer cell serial killer. TAKE THAT, punk!

Sr.

Turkey Day and NO Nausea!!

Got up at 7:30, loaded up on pills, went back to bed and waited. An hour later, I got up and felt pretty steady. Had breakfast at 9 and am not having any trouble with the stomach so far. Hooray!

"I'm a bad piece of leather, well put together, I keep fighting every day. Throw that cancer in the grass, stomp a mud hole in his ass, and keep on fighting all the way". (A Thanksgiving Poem by Timmy).

Thanks to all for the well wishes and prayer lamps all over the country. God bless our Vets and Active Military Men and Women. We're sure gonna need them cause stuff sure is messed up!

Happy Thanksgiving.

Special Hello to big brother Leland, my sister Elaine, Greg and Beth, Vic, Chance, Big Mo, Doug, Bernie, Bruce, Curt, both Bill's, LT, Doc Hamm, Dudley, Jay, Woody, Hubert, Fireball Aviation, the entire 11th Cavalry Regiment and my buddies at the Red River Valley Fighter Pilot's Association. Thanks to Sgt. Joe Day for my 11th Cav coffee cup.

Chemo schedule is now December, January and it all ends in February. Only 15 days of double dosages left. Yeah!

Cancer, you got till February to clear out of town or your ass belongs to me!
Sr.

Figured it out

Today was a reasonably smooth running day. No nausea at all to speak of.

When you are coming off chemo (Stan) as part of a 5 day on double dosages and 25 days off, you are almost certainly going to be much sicker than the dosages you started off with. When you realize that, get up off the floor and kick that cancer's ass. Here's how:

First thing in the morning, no matter what happens, take the anti nausea tablets (in my case 3). Immediately thereafter, go back to bed and be very still for about an hour. When you finish that and you can actually walk without becoming violently ill, eat at least one cup of cereal, maybe two. When you finish with that, try to be still until your stomach settles.

I know it's really hard to be sick every day and maintain any kind of a positive attitude, but it's not impossible. When I do all of the above, and when it works, I get to eat lunch with loved ones and that is a huge thing for me. I come back to Jr's place and take another antinausea tablet and get back in the bed to be still.

Stan, this is something that I've learned the hard way. Stay on the support drugs and above all, do not believe that getting "off" chemo means "getting on" with feeling good. There is a time period that is very tough UNLESS you stay on those support drugs like "Prochlorperazine Maleate" and Ondesetron. Just do it. I never want to go through another Monday and I hope you will have the same kind of luck I've had when you follow the above. Hang tough. Happy Thanksgiving. We all have alot to be thankful for................

Sr.

Ondestron and Sprite

This morning's nausea was easily the benchmark from hell. Couldn't walk. Sent a couple of text messages for help and help came. I had a cup of sprite and an Ondestron tablet and I haven't been sick for nearly an hour. Appears to simply be the "coming off of chemo" thing that all of us have to deal with. Not to worry. Going to take a hot tub bath and see if that helps get rid of these chills and then I'll try to sleep it off!

Sr.

Nausea

Nausea put me down on the ground in the back yard this morning. Called for help and help on the way. Sr.

Last day of chemo for 25 days

Nausea came back to visit Thursday and Friday. It hasn't been as bad as before but any degree of nausea is pretty bad.

Spent two hours at the VA today. Seems as though I needed a consult for PTSD. That ought to stand for Post Tumor Stress Disorder but it doesn't. Guess they wanted to hear the gory details of the war. I let them hear it.

I'm really looking forward to being off chemo for 25 days. I'm sure I don't have any more after effects from radiation because the fatigue I have now is nothing like it was when I was getting shot every day.

Waylon, Kat, Lisa, Carmen, Steve, Doc, Keeesha Babe,........ya'll are the best.

Sr.

Agent Orange and Tumor denied

Veterans package sent to New Orleans by Tim Jr and Kristin has been denied. No agent orange and no service connected classification for tumor. The agent orange denial is bull shit. Pure and simple bull shit.

I have movies of me in Vietnam and Cambodia that show me actually standing in a field of agent orange defoliated jungle. I have obtained the list of gallons sprayed in each village and base I was stationed in during the entire year.

Every place I slept and fought has a list of gallons sprayed per year. Every single place I lived is covered with the stuff. Come to find out that all of my flight time from September of 1970 through May of 71 is classified and some of it from May of 70 to September of 1971 is classified.

It won't be much of a secret if I have to go to the newspapers to get the story out BUT, I'm not going to take that as a first step. Yeah, I'll make that the last step. I just think that combat vets should get their just due...... before we send any money anywhere for "foreign aid".

I have my own version of foreign aid. If the foreigners knew what it was, they'd need to change pants.

At any rate, I'm feeling good enough to bitch about the hassles a combat veteran needs to go through to simply get his due. More later on this. Doc says I simply need to appeal the decision and they will follow up on paper work. "Some nickle dime clerk" screwed that up. Won't tell you who made that comment but will say, the person who did, has been right about everything he's ever said or done about me.

Can NOT wait till Tim Jr gets home to help me work through this. Sent off $21,000.00 worth of medical bills today to Progressive. They've been super so far.

GO VETS!!!

Sr.

Back on chemo

Had a very good meeting with Dr. Phillip today.

He's not only insuring that every step I take is the right one, he's also on top of everybody down line from him to insure that my benefits package is properly attended to. This medical stuff is expensive and, since I paid my premiums in Vetnam, a little relief from these bills will provide the end result they've always promised the veteran.

George Washington said: "The effectiveness of our military is directly related to the manner in which we treat our veterans".

I'm back on double dosage chemo right now and so far, no nausea. I hope I make it through tonight as it's been 25 days since I've taken anything other than anti nausea tablets. Whatever it's going to be, Imma kick it.

Hangin' tough and trying to watch Monday Night Football....... but still being very watchful.

Hey to TeBo, Kristin's cousin SH, Marfa and Otto, Harris Family, Jay, Mo, Bruce, Lissa J, Wayne, Danita, Susie Q and RLB.

Sr.

All you gotta do is fight!

Okay guys, here's the deal.

The future is gonna be the future no matter what but if you chose to fight for your position in it, you definately will alter the outcome. I'm positive that fightin' like hell has allowed me to produce the nausea free days that I've now enjoyed. It's a total of 5 days straight.

Kristin has been a huge help. She's been on me about my drugs and eating habits and eating times like a duck on a june bug.

I'm feeling so much better than I have been since I changed to the double dose of chemo. All that may go to hell in a handbasket tomorrow because I start all over again with the double dose chemo thing. Despite that and despite the certainty of more nausea, all of us know that it's going to be less nausea over all. Pretty cool, huh!

Tom, Stan, you guys keep kickin that butt and fore long, you'll notice that your foot will outlast the enemy.

Feelin' good. Keep up the good fight boys. We'll kick cancer's butt till his nose bleeds. Ooooh Raaahhhhh.

Sr.

4 days no nausea

Yipee!!! No nausea again today. If this is any indication of how the 5 day on and 25 day off chemo deal is going to work, count me in!

I feel really good. I don't have all my strength back but I'm not staggering around nor am I needing the morning nap and afternoon nap. This is what I call progress.

Daddy's doin' good!

Sr.

3 days in a row with no nausea

Three wonderful days without getting sick. It's fabulous.

Don't know what to attribute it to and I'm scared to death that it will go away as I'm going to get back on chemo on the 16th and it will be double doseages. In any event, the 3 days have been most welcome.

I went to the Haynesville Shale convention in Shreveport today. Saw Mark Heacock, Vic, Ross and Micah. Also saw an idiot I knew from days gone by but will simply write that off as a result of "the village idiot is still loose".

Tim Jr, don't sweat the VA letter from New Orleans. Benefit package in Guy's hands and it's going to be okay.

Harris, make Tim Jr give you the email explaining why George W. Bush never got the Nobel Peace Prize. I sure do miss him.

Danita, don't sweat it, I have the pictures.

Man, it feels great to not be sick...................

Sr.

Workin' with half a brain and the Dr. C.C. Miller's Bosom Theory

First of all, I'm in my second morning of no nausea. That's great but I'm already wondering if that means I'm sick two days on and two days off. Hope not as tomorrow will be a real pisser.

The working with half a brain hit me as a good title because I did something "half fast" the other day. I got my clothes from the cleaners, went to the gas station and filled up and was ready to head out to Leesville when I got sick. I don't charge gas on the company card to use for personal stuff so I made a $50.75 screw up. No big deal as I'm sending a check in to cover it and I've used the gas on personal stuff anyway. It's like trips to the hospital and stuff. I just hate screwing up a perfect record.

With regard to the bosom theory, Dr. C C Miller says that the most comforting thing in the world to a male is the female bosom. Now this may not be the typical prescription from the hospital but I'll be damned if I don't think it should be.

If you think about it, when a little boy child is born the first thing that happens is his gets his ass kicked. Then, and here's the important part, he gets a nice, warm boob shoved in his face. That's where it all begins. Men love boobs and women ought to accept that.

I have 8 female friends. Four are single or divorced and 4 are married. I didn't think it would be too cool to ask the married ones if I could borrow their breasts for a minute so I passed on that. The other four qualify as boob donors to the cause. I'll let ya'll know how that works out without naming names but I'm sure gonna give it a shot.

Must be something to it as I had a dream about the "boob detail" night before last and in my mind, all my female friends showed up and basically said "here, feel these". I know that's not gonna happen but there should be a new discipline in medical school to make it happen. Oh well, dreams are great and maybe somebody will step up to the plate. Yeee haa.

Sr.

It's just part of it.

Nausea again this morning. Damn. It's just part of it. There's a whole lot of stuff that's worse than having nausea on a daily basis but having two days without it is wonderful. I just wish I could duplicate that.

Tryin' to keep an even keel.

Sr.

Tim Jr departs for Virginia

Jr left this morning around six or so. Was before daylight. Sure seems a bit lonely. Kristin took him to Jackson to catch the plane back to Virginia Beach/Norlolk. It's so expensive to fly into Shreveport almost everyone flies somewhere else and then drives here. Was $389.00 to Jackson vs. $900.00 to Shreveport.

Took my new drug with Orange juice this morning and so far it's working. No nausea yet. Hope I have that adjusted as I start double dose again on the 16th. Ugh. So tired.

Sr.

New Drug workin'

Got up this morning and immediately took a tab of Prochlorperazine. Followed that with cereal and banana. Felt good enough to follow that with a cup of coffee. Pretty good for me.

Rec'd a $17,000.00 hospital bill from the hospital in Leesville yesterday. Also a $4,400.00 ambulance bill. Am forwarding that to my insurance company and hope like hell they pay it. They've paid everything else so I'm hopeful that this will just fall in line with the rest of it. Progressive Insurance has been great so far even though I'm pretty sick of the red head that's so overexposed on their commercials.

Tim jr. leaving tomorrow and going back to the ship. I hate that because I've had so much trouble recently. Kristin is working full time so his departure is going to end up being a burden on somebody. I just want to go back to my regular lifestyle as I'm really tired of being surrounded by 4 walls everyday.

Thank God for my employer! What incredible individuals they are. Don't make many like that any more as they have stood by me every single day since the wreck.

Gonna put that head down a minute and take a nap before LSU and Bama get it on.

Thanks to all for the written support for my VA benefit package.

Sr.

Jr. called the hospital

Jr called the hospital last night and determined that the recent nausea scenario is typical of cancer patients who are taking the dosages and type of chemo that I am. He went there this morning and came home with a new script for me to deal with this.

I'm on double dosages of chemo now and the "Prochlorperazine Maleate" is designed to deal with but not necessarily stop the nausea. Nausea is part of it.

In any event, I'm fightin' like crazy to make it through the times when I can't talk. When that's done, I get back at my regular routine and continue to march.

Hangin' tough but just real tired of the chemo and nausea deal.

Hope to get back on track in a better sense than I have the last couple of weeks. I'm not giving up so don't ya'll give up on me.

Stan, be advised to ask about support drugs when you get off chemo.

Curt, thanks for the birthday wishes.

To all.............thanks for sending so many confirmations regarding the combat missions we flew in Cambodia. It makes a difference.
Sr.

Never open your mouth and say "I feel good"

I hardly made today's post before the nausea set in. No birthday dinner tonight for sure. Goin to bed real early and try to hit it again tomorrow. Learned to "not" say something about "today" until today is done. Ugh, I hate this nausea thing.

Sr,

Nasuea vs. "Check Engine Soon" light.

No nausea today and I'm thankful for that.

Despite that, my "check engine soon" light came on. Couldn't make up my mind if I should get Tim Jr to take me to the hospital or the auto parts store. Seems as though my "Air Mass" sensor needs cleaning. Almost sounds like a dirty story, doesn't it.

Fatigue level is a bit high today and I don't have a clue as to the reason for that. I've been careful not to overdo anything and I've also been very watchful of my sleeping habits. I'm being careful but I guess it's just time. If it takes that long for the nausea to leave maybe it takes that long for the fatigue and the skin burn to go away.

Today is my 61st birthday and Tim Jr asked what I wanted to do. I told him "absolutely nothing and lots of it".

More later.

Sr.

Two out of three ain't bad!

No nausea today. Had some yesterday but none today and none Sunday. Leland said that I am batting 666 and that's pretty good.

Bernie, thanks. You're right, 5th Woc does rule, always has.

Curt, I'm hanging tough and if I can feel as good tomorrow as I do today, I'll be one happy camper.

I hope like the dickens that this means I'm totally recouperated from all the radiation (except for the skin burns and hair). I'm not fatigued any more. I do have periods everyday where I get a little weak but I'm sure that's from a combination of things like the chemo and the fact that I've spent so much time in bed. In any event, I'm getting stronger.

Tomorrow marks 61 years for me. Lots of ya'll out there bet against me making 21. Some bet I'd never make it past 25. Fooled you, didn't I !!!!!

If the old stomach will let me do it, I'm planning on blitzin' out of here tomorrow and headin' to Baton Rouge to do a little bid work. Don't fret, I have a driver.

That's about it for today. Feelin' better. A little tired but for the most part, this is a major improvement for me. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yeee haaa!!!

Sr.

No such luck!

The old nasty stomach came home this morning about 7. Kinda threw me for a loop.

Thought I'd figured out the answer to how long it takes to get your stomach squared away. Took Ondesetron before I even said good morning to anyone. Birthday Wednesday. Hope it's gone by then cause I want to eat like a king and not be sick.

Sr.

I found my stomach

Today is the first day that I woke up without nausea comin' to visit. I mean no nausea at all.

It's been about 9 weeks since I stopped the daily routine of chemo and radiation for six weeks and then went to chemo for 5 days on and 25 days off. If that makes any sense, there has to be some kind of a time frame required to either rid yourself of the chemo OR whatever!

I felt so good Tim Jr, Kristin and Joey and I went to brunch at the Casino. Was great to be able to do that without being sick! Feelin' better. Don't know how long this is going to last but I'm feeling better!

DOUG, thanks for the signed statement about my combat missions.

Sr.

Friday Night

12 hours and 48 minutes of sleep last night. What can I say.

Healthwide, I had a pretty good week except for a little trouble with the nausea Friday. I was with a friend so I was lucky enough to hit the Ondesetron and lay down in a guest bedroom for an hour and twenty minutes. After that, all was well.

Plan on an easy week end with nothing much on the schedule except an oil change. Lots of miles lately.

Will try to put something worthwhile on here later but wanted to post something as I've had a number of concerns on personal emails that I haven't posted since last Tuesday.

I'm workin' on it.

Sr.

Laughing at Other's Expense

There are lots of "sayings" out there that are good natured and rooted in attempts to make your fellow man feel better about a seemingly negative situation. "An apple a day, keeps the Dr. away"- without a doubt doesn't work. "An ounce of prevention beats a pound of cure"- Also, a less than factual stab at motivating someone to be prepared. I could go on all day with broad generalizations and folk wisdom; instead I'd rather share with you what works for the Butler Boys.... Laughing at Other's Expense. Thank God for You Tube. A simple slice of technology that can comfort even the most obtuse individual into realizing that there is always somebody more intellectually challenged than you. I've taken the liberty of adding a You Tube gadget to the right hand side of the blog. All you have to do is search a subject and wait on our country's best and brightest to shine for all the world to see. A search for "Mrs. Peaches" will give you a whole new perspective on fried chicken and a search for "Little Shrunken Sings the Blues" will have you toe-tapping a wonderful little ditty that will surely help you wade through the seas of ignorance that surround each of our own little islands of joy! Poppa T is doin good and all is well in Timmyland USA.
R/

Jr.

Cross eyed with Paper work

Now that Jr. is back, paperwork is the order of the day. After I do the nausea thing in the morning we got our benefit options outlined and today, we went to the Disabled American Vet office here in town.

Hopefully, I'll be able to qualify for the program that will stop the medical bills and give a vet with agent orange, a little bit of help.

Thanks to all the combat vets from the 199th Light Infantry Brigade and the 11th Armored Cavalry Regiment for all the notes regarding the combat part of our combat missions. It means everything to the DAV.

Haven't felt up to posting over the past couple of days but most of that is due to nausea and fatigue than anything else. Nothing added to the list of things to worry about. Just part of recouping and the effects that has on your system.

Tired..................Sr.

Tuesday Report

Sir-Sleeps-A-Lot and son are about to head out for the days first meal. Scratch some pretty serious fatigue, nausea and a noticable loss of appetite and Poppa T is doing well. If it were up to him he'd be putting in 50hr weeks at the stone yard and downing rack of lamb by the pound but nature dictates couch time instead. It is good to be home. Looking forward for next weeks birthday celebration however that may manifest itself. Thanks to all for support and encouragement; stay tuned for more to come......

R/

Jr.

Sunday

Sunday better than Friday and Saturday. Despite the fact that I actually went to Strawns and ate breakfast this morning, I'm back to nausea at 8:20 pm Sunday night. This thing has no schedule and you don't have a clue when you'll be sick.

It's easier to fight chemo and radiation than it is to fight the abscense of everything.

Will try to keep up the chin and keep the legs kicking hard.

Sr.

Ondenstron/Omeprazole and .......

Managed to medicate my way out of the nausea today and by 3 o'clock I was able to eat. Over the past two days, I've had two pieces of bread, a grilled cheese sammich and a piece of pie. Not much but I'm thankful that I managed that much.

Feelin' a little bit better. Getting off the chemo sucks. I hate, loathe and despise being sick but I know that it's just temporary and the drugs mentioned above will have me watching LSU and Auburn tonight. Count your blessings as it's better than being sick.

Sr.

The Heaves.

Started Saturday morning off with the "yipee" that comes with being off chemo for 25 days and the "damn it" when the dry heaves hit at 10 a.m.

It seems to me that anytime you get "off" something like chemo that you ought to "get on" with feeling good. Not so.

My sister Elaine came over from Jackson. Kristin is in Monroe but will pick Jr up at the Jackson airport tomorrow and bring him to Shreveport Sunday evening. I hope Leland can make the drive over from Austin but I'm not sure what his schedule is like yet.

Hangin' tough and still fightin' it the best I can but the stomach rules the body. Will let ya'll know.

sr.

Homeward Bound

Hellllloooo blogosphere! Sunday morning I will be hopping on a puddle jumper to make the flight back to Shreveport, family and friends. Lord knows I need a break. I figured I could come home for a couple of weeks of leave or spend a few weeks in the Brig for insubordination...... they granted me leave. Don't understand how Compassionate Reassignment could be confused with retard limbo and military lethargy but hey, it is the government; I probably should have used smaller words and a larger font.
Ready to be back home. Looking forward to seeing sleeping beauty. Don't know if I've ever seen the old man sleep 12 hrs in a two day period, much less one straight shot.
Managed to get the leave period bumped up to cover Poppa T's birthday on the 4th. Sounds like a rack of lamb, mashed potato and pink cake night to me. I think fireworks are in order and will see what I can do along those lines. Love ya'll, miss ya'll and much thanks to my bride for corralling my sanity over the last few months. Don't think I've ever heard of a Saint Kristin but we'll see, stranger things have happened......... Obama got a Nobel prize for cryin out loud.

Deuces- Tim Jr.

Made it through last night

Today is the last day of chemo for 25 days. I made it through last night without getting sick so maybe the other part of chemo, the coming off the drug part, won't be as bad as it was that first time I got off chemo and radiation. I hope so because I want to be able to eat and not freak out about the nausea.

I've received several testimonials from the men I served with regarding my combat experiences in Vietnam. Thanks to all who have responded so far.

I have chemo in 20 minutes and then I have to go to the VA for an interview of some sort. Hangin' tough.

Sr.

Stomach

It began around noon time but it really wasn't that bad. I tried to eat a sandwhich at lunch but could only make it through 1/3rd of it. Tried supper but couldn't get through more than three spoonsfull and that was it.

I've taken my antinausea but I'm on a double dose of chemo. Tomorrow is the last day but I don't have much hope of even making it through the night without getting sick. Damn, I hate this part of it.

More tomorrow, gotta be still.

tb

Feeling good so far and other stuff

I'm 5 hours past my third session with the double dose of chemo and everything is good so far. I'm a little uneasy but definately not sick.

Would like to thank Doug Heywood and Joe Brophy, 11th Armored Cavalry Regiment, for sending their statements about my war record. Thanks Doug and Broph!!

Appears that I will be able to gather all the paper work I need.

Will let ya'll know how this evening goes as I will be approaching the 72 hour full saturation period in a matter of hours.

Sr..

T minus 12 minutes to chemo and other stuff

Full saturation dosage beings at 10:30. I'm a wee bit nervous about that as I'm concerned about the nausea but I'll swallow the whole 9 yards as directed and see what happens.

I received a call from the Disabled Vets this morning. Seems as though the record keeping inside the units weren't exactly the best in the world. They've lost my Bronze Star and also want proof of my involvement there. I've emailed surviving crew members and other pilots and will have no problem proving any of it. I also have pictures and movies.

Speaking of that, which one of you guys out there sprayed Agent Orange with me at FSB Mace? I think it was Femmer (RIP) but it may have been Craig, Kat or Dudley. If ya'll remember, please respond. Buffy, was that you in the back operating the pumps?

Also, any of you guys who were there when Major Stiner pinned the Bronze Stars on the Nighthawk crew, please advise. Eddie, Smokey, were you there?

Last but not least, I need somebody to respond to action the day that Dan Coombs and Blick were killed. Mike, I know you were there too and I've already sent you an email so don't worry about it. If any of you know how I can get my hands on the Brigade Summaries from July 4th when Jernigan and Stearns were killed, please advise. Craig Wolman and I watched them go down.

All of these requests are made so I can update my benefits package. It's expensive to have cancer and the DAV will help me find some additonal relief for drugs etc.

Thanks,
More later.

Sr.

Update

Joey, thanks for putting the pic on the blog. That was taken in Bob's driveway sometime around 2007 ( I think).

Stan, name of my chemo is Temozolomide or something close to that.

I'm into my second round of chemo now and it's been about 34 hours since I began. Taking two anti nausea drugs. Ondesetron and Omeprazole. Good stuff and no sickness yet. I've needed an extremely large number of hours of sleep. The sleep comes easily and the need is quite different than the need that comes from the fatigue of radiation.

I'll try to keep everybody posted as well as I can but tomorrow begins the real day with my third dosage. Oncology says it takes 72 hours to be fully "saturated" with chemo so I'll know sometime soon, maybe tomorrow but certainly no later than noon Thursday.

Sis, come on over this week end as I plan on going to Leesville next week.

News tonight that Tim Jr will be here in roughly two weeks. Will be great as I know the price of being in the Navy and having a wife away from your duty station is dear. Freedom is not free and being a true patriot who does his duty, is sometimes super expensive. Thanks Jr, thanks Kristin.

Poppa

Chemo begins again

I began round 2 of chemo today.

Temozolomide sounds like something you'd spray on your weeds. I'm taking 345 mg of it everyday for 5 days then off 25 days. I'm only four hours and five minutes into it right now and I'm doing fine.

Last time I did the same in the beginning stages but it takes 72 hours to become fully saturated. I hope I can handle it just like last time and, as I understand it, now that I'm off radiation, I should be able to handle this just fine.

Will let ya'll know.

Sr.

Progress

Hank, rest in peace. Cancer always puts up a good fight and you fought a good one all the way to the end. Stan, keep fightin'. I'll fill you in when I make it through the first 72 hours of the second round of chemo.

I'm feeling better today but I'll have to admit that I actually had one day last week where I asked myself: "is this it"? Lost hair, lost 14 pounds, lost all my energy and damn near lost my will.

I made some mistakes when I got off chemo and radiation. I picked two customers I could go see and picked the shortest distance to drive and the shortest work day I could manage. I made it okay and only drove 170 miles total and made a total of different stops. Probably should not have done that but in review, I think the only problem was the fatigue.

The next week I drove to Leesville and visited a number of places on and off post. I believe the total mileage was 370 and it took two days. Only problem with all that had to do with the real onset of nausea. I stayed in a hotel room instead of Tommy and Lanell's house and I'm glad I did especially after getting so sick in the hotel room about 2:30 a.m. or maybe 3:30.

The following week was a real tough time for me. "Getting off everything" does not mean getting off chemo and radiation alone. I thought it meant everything including steroids, anti nausea etc. It didn't or shouldn't have. I was sleeping a minimum of 12 hours everyday and in a sense, beating the fatigue but I wasn't anywhere close to winning the nause battle. Dry heaves are the worst.

Kristin fixed the support drug thing and eventually I managed to make it through the day without being drop dead sick. I thought I was dying. Am really glad to be back in the pink, so to speak.

Kristin has totally redone the interior of the motor home. Smells like an advertisement! Is really nice to have the "men's den" back.

I go to the VA tomorrow to begin chemo again. Will not do radiation as they've hit me so much I ought to glow at night. Jr keeps tellin' me not to pee in the front yard as he doesn't want his place to glow at night. He's still in Norfolk awaiting Navy orders to send him here to help out when I'm totally out of it. It's taken two months so far and the orders have not yet been cut. Glad I didn't have to wait that long for support when I was in combat. Jesus, times have changes in that area.

In any event, I'm ready to start the 5 day on 25 day off deal. If the control drugs work as well as they eventually did the first go round, I'll tell you right now that I'm going to Leesville. I'll hang there for the 25 days off period and even go back to Tim and Kristin's for the week ends, Lord willin'.

Hang tight. I am.

Stan, will let you know the minute I get started with this second round of chemo. It will be double the dosages so I should be able to get word to you before you have to start yours. Hang tough and I'll lead the way.

Jr, tell those paper pushers that I said: "Don't make me come up there".

Sr.

Ondestron and Omeprazole Saved the Day.

Before I managed to get the nausea under control, I lost a total of 14 pounds. Kristin brought out the book and the two drugs mentioned above seem to work. What a good daughter in law she is! Thanks, KK.

I go back on chemo Monday. I'm going to the VA Monday morning to make damn sure I have every single support drug I could possibly need because the chemo dosage is going to increase by a factor of 2. That's right, twice as much.

Despite the nastyness of all that, I'm only going to be on chemo for 5 days every month. I'll be off of chemo for 25 days. I'm planning on heading south on the sixth day.

Tommy, Joey and Al Carroll have pretty much completely rebuilt my motorhome. New water pump, new air ride suspenstion system, all new v-belts, generator tune up and replaced sky lights in the roof. Kristin is finishing the inside with a stem to stern clean up.

Thanks to everybody for emails during the really sick part of this treatment. I thought I was done for at one point. I've never been sick so this has been an experience for me.

Hangin tough. Not scared of chemo. Radiation is done ....period! Will let ya'll know how it is as soon as I make it through the first 72 hours.

Sr.

Doing a tad better.

Nausea still here but a bit more manageable than last week. Improvements in the fatigue department. I'm able to make it through the day without a mandate for naps in the morning and the afternoon. That's an improvement. Will be glad when the strength level returns and the nap scenario is a non issue. Sounds great to alot of blog readers but naps that are mandated pretty much suck.

Fever not consistent but at least the differences are on the low side between 97.3 and 98.6 instead of the 101.3. Fever and nausea at the same time suck.

Have been told to count my blessings in that most guys haven't had the accomplishments I have since beginning chemo and radiation. Hair falling out on both sides of my head now and weight loss of roughly 10 pounds makes that advice a bit hard to follow but I'm sure once my strength returns I'll have a different attitude.

Hangin' tough but pretty tired of the same old same old.

Sr.

Positive, Comparitive and Superlative degree of "suck"

I'm feeling much better today than I have been over the last ten days. I didn't have a clue how much getting off chemo and radiation would suck but now I know. I think that it's not quite up to the superlative degree of suck but it surely is well seated in the Comparitive degree.

My temperature never got higher than 101.3 that I know of. Despite that, when all the factors are considered, the fever, the nausea and the fatigue, all rolled into one, sucked big time. You have to be so still that you don't dare do anything at all even small things like answering the phone. You just have to be real still and let mother nature or the drugs do the work.

I'm losing some weight now but am not all that bothered by it. I had to bulk up to 230 to endure the chemo and radiation but now that those are gone I'm noticing the weight loss like one normally would. Ten pounds in ten days.

Sorry this is so short and without much value except to Tom, Hank, Stan and maybe the others who are approaching the time when they will get off chemo and radiation. Ya'll watch out! IT SUCKS big time!

Still keepin' that chin up but only after I've taken my nap and have enough energy to lift my head if you know what I mean.

Bruce, Hawaii sound great.......................................tb

Tough Saturday

I am NOT in denial about being sick! The reality of all that came to visit this week end. I've been having these bouts with nausea but I've not experienced any fever until this past week end.

I went to Albertson's and bought a thermometer. I knew that the 188.8 number was wrong so I kept trying to find out what it really was. I finally hit 101.3 and decided I better go to the hospital as directed by my Oncologist.

Spent several hours there and finally was released after seeing a couple of ER technicians.

Kristin met me at the emergency room and stayed the course. She made sure that I had a good supper and stayed with me until we were both convinced that the fever was going away and that I would make it through the night.

This 'off chemo and off radiation" thing is the craziest thing I've ever experienced. I've been in the worst shape I've been in "after" everything stopped.

I've had it explained to me that I've really been through a rough time and that my body needs time to "ward off" the drugs. Not sure what "ward off" means but I am assuming that it means that "now" that there isn't a daily dose of chemo and radiation as well as a daily dose of all the support drugs, that my body has to deal with getting rid of all that. Well, "this getting rid of business" has been a real bitch!

Joey took my motorhome to the repair center and it came home Saturday morning after a $1,500.00 upgrade on the suspension system. I was thinking that I'd be able to go camping at a lake real close to Ft. Polk but that went out the window as the temperature began to rise.

In any event, I'm back at it today and trying to make it through the day without the nausea. Hangin' tough!

Sr.

Quit Pushing So Hard

I've been getting some pretty good advice about "pushing the recovery too hard".

It's awfully confusing to me. I've been sick during the chemo and radiation but nothing compared to what I've experienced in the last two weeks.

I felt good enough to go to Leesville and spend the night week before last because I was off chemo and radiation. I ended up being sick in the hotel room bed about 2 a.m. and so fatigued later in the day that I had to pull off the road on the way back to Tim and Kristin's.

Despite all that, my spirits remain pretty high and my planning continues. My motorhome rebuild project only lacks a few small things to complete but none of those are mechanical. I had over $2,000 worth of suspension system work done at Al Carroll's RV Center and I picked it up this morning and drove it to Joey's. It won't fit at Jr's house but that's okay cause I'm going to take it to the lake anyway. Should be able to stay there on my 28 day off period.

I'm tired but I'm still fighting.

Jay, Welcome home.

Sr.

Black Friday

Started off with dry heaves this morning.

That came before I even had a chance to try breakfast. It passed and I wrote it off to not having to take the antinauea tablets or the steroids. Tried a little breakfast but that didn't work and neither did my attempt at a hamburger at 1 pm.

Will go by Al Carroll's to check on the motorhome and then immediately back to the sofa. I'm hangin' tough but this is surely a tough opponent.

Welcome home, Jay!
Sr.

The New Chemo, Paranoia and Concern

How's this for a "Side Effect" statement for the new chemo?

"Nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, constipation, tiredness, weakness, and headache may occcur. Nausea and vomiting can be quite severe. Drug therapy may be necessary to prevent or relieve nausea and vomiting. Not eating before your treatment may help relieve vomiting."

They go on to discuss weight loss but I think the above note is enough for now.

I spent the morning at the VA again today as this finished 4 days in a row there this week. I don't mean to sound like a complainer but I sure am ready for a little relief from everything that I've been experiencing since the wreck. I'm ready for a break.

Today is the first day I've been off nausea and steroid tablets as per yesterday's orders from Doc. Had lunch at Ralph and Kacoos today (with Lane who is a customer and a road contractor).
Enjoyed the crab claws and have no nausea as of right now.

Still keepin' my eye on the target but wanted ya'll to know that I may miss a day posting. I don't have to start this fight until the 19th and I'll only have to take these for 5 days on then 28 days off so regardless of what happens, it will be short term and I should be able to have a somewhat smooth time of things during the 28 day off period.

Going to check on the motorhome. It should be finished tomorrow or Monday for sure. I've spent almost 4 grand on the upgrades since the wreck and I'm more than ready to get it parked on the lake.

Will have it located on a nice spot close to the dam on the south end of Toledo Bend Lake, a 15 minute commute to Leesville. It will either be that or on the south shore of Anacoco Lake maybe 5 minutes west of Leesville. It's really pretty there.

Ya'll hang tight, I'm still kickin' it and I'll keep posting.

Sr.

Two days in the hospital

Despite the fact that I've spent the last two days at the VA Hospital in Shreveport, it was well worth the time. I have rec'd a formal declaration regarding the radiation and I will NOT be radiated anymore. That is super good news. I really like the crew down there but I'll really like NOT having the burns and the fatigue that come from all that.

I spent all day in the hemotology department and oncology department today. My blood is back where it's suppossed to be and my white count/platalate count/coagulation count is bad to the bone.

I have to make one more trip tomorrow but that's the final trip for chemo indoctrination OR an explanation of the double dosage, when it's taken, how often and what I have to do with the support drugs to counter the nausea. I know that I can handle that cause Doc said I could and he's never been wrong about anything.

With that, I decided to tell him that I went back to work last week for two days and then decided I wouldn't. I changed that story to " I went to the Lake last week to rest up for two days". In reality, I did do that in that I went to the Lake but I was with Tommy and we were actually looking for a spot to put my motorhome.

Sometime tomorrow I'll get the skinny on the chemo. I already know that I'll be able to do 28 days off each month until the end of February. That only puts me out of action for a part of 5 days per month. Beats everyday at the hospital to pieces. Ooooooh Rah!

Thanks to everybody for putting up with the "no posting" during the times I've been too sick to do it or the times where I couldn't get on line. Life is looking better.

Sr.

Passed Radiation This Morning

I passed my final exam in the Radiation Department at the VA this morning.

I met with every single person there. They even gave me a diploma / achievement of sorts that is suitable for framing. I don't have to go back until December 30th but that's just for a follow up and will not include being radiated again.

I have to go back to Oncology and start chemo again but I will only have chemo for 5 days straight then 25 days off. I'll call that "maintenance chemo" because I don't really know what's up with chemo for 6 weeks then no chemo for 5 weeks then back to chemo again.

In any event, I'm doing a whole lot better. They seem to think that the fatigue will get better in two more weeks. I'm glad of that because it's really tough to make it through the morning without hitting the bed and impossible to make it through the afternoon if you don't.

Yeeee Haaaaaaaaa!

Sr.

Still kickin but without daily net access.

I'll admit that I've been having a lot of nausea trouble lately and that the fatigue level is higher now than it's ever been. I don't really understand how you can "get off" chemo and radiation and end up "getting on" a more difficult reaction to all that but I've accepted it.

I'm looking forward to the 5 day on and 25 day off chemo period because I'm certain that I will be able to more effectively use my support drugs and begin to have some kind of a normal life after discovering what malignant brain cancer can do to a fella.

I made it to Leesville last week and had two days that were great. Being able to do that without any pressure is the thing that allows me to do that. It was fabulous.

OOOOPS. JUST MISSED AN APPT AT RADIATION. SR.

Wonderful Saturday nite....bout time.

Had a great steak dinner last night. No nausea, no nothing but good food and good conversations with Melissa. Have been waiting for the nausea to leave forever but now it's gone. Just have to be real, real careful about the fatigue and taking all the meds on time. My fault again.

Having hell with the wireless at Joey's so my post times are limited. I'm workin' on it. Thanks to all for the support and well wishes. Tim jr, get home boy!!!

Sr.

Computer down

Haven't been able to post because I have been having problems connecting. Joey's wireless has been out for a week or so and Tim Jr and Kristin's has been intermittent.

Still having the fatigue issues as well as the nausea. Can't seem to figure that one out but I accept it and adjust my food intake accordingly but nothing has seemed to work so far.

Will post when I feel a bit stronger. sr.

Who is Joey?

Okay everybody, here's the answer so many of you have been looking for regarding Joey.

Joey is Melissa's nephew. I've known Melissa since 1965 and have been a part of her life off and on for a long time.

His momma is Melissa's sister. His Dad was a cool dude from the 50's that had neat scooters and eventually, neat cars. I was there when they brought him home from the hospital so I've known Joey all his life.

When I was living out of town, whenever I'd come to Shreveport, I generally came to see Joey because most everyone had already moved away. When Joey decided to come home from Chicag0, many years ago, I put him up in my condo for a month or six weeks or so. When I had the wreck Joey just took custody of me and took me home with him when I left the hospital in Shreveport and was preparing for the brain surgery in Houston.

When Tim Jr and Kristin arrived, Joey converted one of the rooms in his house to a bedroom for Jr and Kristin. He called it the Butler Suite. When all of us returned from Houston and I began my chemo and radiation, Joey took all of us home with him.

In any event, for those of you who continue to ask, that's who Joey is and how the connection had unfolded and remained in tact all these years.

Thanks for asking. Joey needs to get the humanitarian of the year award.

Sr.

Harris sent a picture of Noah

Doing better by Saturday night.

Spent the day at Joey's checking the house as he's out of State for a few weeks. Checked my email and found this picture of Noah on his motorcycle. How cool is that for a 3 year old. By the time this youngun gets old enough to drive I figure that we won't have to worry about all the craziness going on in today's world. I'd be scared to death to aggrevate this one. He'll stick that moustache on his upper lip and kick all the butt all of us need kicking. Great job Harris. Noah, you are one cool dude.

Sr.

Sick as a dog, wore slap out

Don't know what's going on with the stomach. I've had the worse case of nausea lately and I can't figure out how that could happen since I'm off chemo and radiation and have been for 8 days.

Fatigue has been up and down but the last two days have been benchmarks. Can not keep my eyes open and have started taking the morning and afternoon naps again. Pretty frustrating.

Thought I would post this so those of you who send emails regarding the "no posting activity" would understand.

Will focus on rest and diet over the week end and also ask Kristin to post the pics of my last day at radiation.

Hangin tuff but feeling like I've been through ten rounds with Mike Tyson.

Sr.

Made the trip !!!!

Just a short note about my trip.

Made it today and did so without any problems. I'm tired but not tired as a result of overdoing anything. Didn't leave until 9 a.m. so I didn't have to hit it early and run hard.

Met with Vic, Tab and Justin at their office which is a real nice place and quite comfortable.Had lunch with Vic and Justin and then returned to Jr's place in Shreveport. Best way to reouperate is to recouperate with friends.

Still trying to get pictures from Kristin about my last day at radiation but haven't been able to get them. Don't know what the problem is but I hope to be able to get them and post them on the blog.

Ya'll be good, will fill you in later on stuff such as motorhome, etc.

Sr.

Another good day

Slept till about 8 this morning. I probably had 9 hours total. Didn't have to take my anti nausea pill today. That's a really good sign that the "stuff" is getting out of my system. I also did NOT have to take a nap this morning or this afternoon.

Joey took the motorhome to Al Carroll's around 3 today. They will finish the suspension work that he doesn't have the tools for plus they'll get it inspected. They will also finish the fine tuning on the generator which is running but for some reason is blowing fuses. That's pretty much going to bring it back to a fully functional condition.

Still haven't heard anything about Tim Jr's orders. I guess that's just the way things go when so many people have to sign off on a transfer of a guy in the Navy. I'm gonna be fine for at least 5 more weeks as I'm going to take some of my 5 week period off with Tommy and Jay. I told Jay about it and he said that would be great but added: "You will be restricted to the scale house but you can bring your cell phone and your Dodge book". Nothing like having an employer who .....uh...shall we say..........understands stuff.

In any event, I'm feeling better everyday and now I'm feeling stronger. No more staggering around. I can't wait till tomorrow. I'm going to have lunch with my buddy Vic. Maybe Chance will be able to come, too. I'm really lookin' forward to that as I haven't seen them since the wreck except for a brief period while we were driving through Shelbyville when we were on the way to the Shreveport VA from the Debakey Med Center in Houston. If I make that trip okay, I'll be really confident about the next. It's only 45 miles from here and if I wasn't sure I could make it, I wouldn't go.

I've got to run to the hospital for a minute but only to see a friend, not for me to do anything about my situation.

Will let ya'll know how tomorrow goes. Play nice.

Sr.

Best Day!

Woke up at 7:37 this morning and had a quick breakfast. Went back to bed around 9 and slept almost 3 hours. When I woke up from the nap, I realized that I was starving. I touched base with Joey and set up for lunch.

I realized that I felt better at noon than I had in a long, long time. I was under the impression that the completion of chemo and radiation meant that I would be back to normal in no time. That was an incorrect assumption.

I've since discovered that the effects on my body from the six week period of chemo and radiation takes a while to go away. I'll have to admit that I was a bit depressed about the continued fatigue when I discovered that I wasn't ready to jump up and go camping. I simply thought that it was over and I could get on with the business of living. Wrong!

I was going to go to the hospital this afternoon to check in with Oncology to get a better handle on things but I've decided to not do that as it's pretty hot and I can't sweat until I get my hydration numbers and the electrolytes where they need to be.

In any event, for those of you coming off chemo and radiation, be patient. It doesn't go away over night and the 72 hour "full saturation" period for chemo does not work on the coming down side.

It apparently takes more than 72 hours for all the chemo to leave. I'm still having to take my anti nausea pills even though I'm not taking the chemo and haven't for over 100 hours. I'm NOT throwing up but I can definately tell that there is still something "different" about my stomach.

I'm not sure how much longer that will last and until I find out something more specific about the time needed to heal from radiation, I won't have a clue about that either. I just know that Joey is real insistent about the proper amount of rest needed to overcome what he calls "The assault on my body" and now that Kristin is back, I'm sure she will be, too.

I'm going to be good and not head south for a business meeting to discuss stone prices and the Haynesville Shale. When I find out from the real powers that be at the VA, I'll let ya'll know.

Kristin Home! Yeeeeeeha!

Sr.

FFI, not guilty!

Tim Jr tells me that the Navy has a term for the conduct exhibited from time to time from guys like me. He says that they call it "Failure to Follow Instructions". That would be "FFI".

I say that being a combat vet with an honorable discharge and a guy that has decades of experience in all kinds of things, entitles me to make the rules, or at least most of the rules.

This morning, I called Joey to see if he'd let me buy him breakfast and make a plan about several things that he and I have going on at the moment because he's fixin' to take off on a 3 week long trip out west. I'm getting ready to take off for 5 weeks and I just wanted to make sure that I was up to speed on everything.

He was flying this morning so I missed our visit. I went to Strawn's, ate breakfast and then decided to go to his house where the motorhome has been parked because I need a couple of things that live there.

When I arrived, as I walked in the door to the motorhome, I cut my left arm. I freaked because I'm not suppossed to bleed at all, even small bleeds like the kind you would experience while shaving.

I hauled it to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, put a toilet paper compress on the arm to stop the bleeding and soon after, applied an anti bacterial band aid to the cut. Everything is fine.
I co-agulated just fine and have since then, showed Joey the cut and reapplied another band aid.

I will admit that I had a nightmare vision of Doctor Haddad spanking me with a belt as I lay in the emergency room trying to explain how all that happened. I could hear him say: "You're not listening to me".

NO BIG DEAL! I'm fine, I no longer have to fear being a "bleed out" and no longer have to be so fearful of every step I take.

IN any event, I'm fessin' up on this deal because I know that the minute any of several people that see this cut on my arm, they're gonna give me the "what for" and I just wanted to put this out there so everybody will know up front.

Feeling better without the chemo but am experiencing a higher degree of fatigue than expected. It seems that all I do is sleep. I'll go to bed anywhere from 8:30 pm to 11 pm depending on how I feel. I'll sleep till around 7:30 or so and get up to eat breakfast. I'll go back to bed around 9 a.m. and sleep anywhere from an hour to almost 3 hours. I'll eat lunch and do it all over again after lunch and end up sleeping another 2 to 3 hours. Damnedest thing I've ever experienced. You'd think that with no chemo and no radiation that I'd get a couple of day's rest and perk right up. Wrong!

Think I'll try to sneak in on the fat cat at the hospital tomorrow and see if I can accellerate this period of time that they want me to recover from the last 3 months. Maybe they'll give me some vitamins or something like that.

Joey says that I am under-estimating the "totallity" of everything and not including the wreck, the hydration problem, the brain surgery, the chemo, the radiation and the fact that I've been nuked constantly for 6 weeks. Lisa, Cathy and Waylon told me but I apparently couldn't connect the dots with being "off radiation" and the fatigue being so constant. Anybody ought to recoup from anything with 14 hours per day of sleep.

Okay, that's about it. Going to supper at Melissa's tonight as Joey called her and discovered that she's cooking that famous meatloaf recipe of mine. Ya'll keep hangin in there and know that I'm doing better every day even though the fatigue is worse than ever. I'll overcome it.

Sr.

I understand the fatigue thing.

They told me that the radiation treatment would bring about higher and higher levels of fatigue. I heard them say that but my brain apparently discounted the warning.

When they finished the required dosages on Thursday they repeated the warning. Since then, I've been sleeping roughly 14 hours out of every 24. Sometimes I go back to bed as early as 9 a.m. I always go down in the afternoon but now it's quite different than it was when I was below 5,000 at radiation.

In any event, I'm sure that I'm catching up on the energy level despite the fact that I can only go "so far" before I crash again. I'm still on the steroid and the anti nausea stuff just to be sure. The steroid is a given and I think, since chemo is over with, I can do what I want or need to do as it relates to anything else.

That's about it for Saturday. Too tired to get into the madness of it all.

Hello, Jan.

Can't believe Washington beat USC.

Ya'll play nice.

Sr.

Hey, Noah

Noah,

Go into the kitchen. Get that mustache. Take it to your daddy. Stick it on his lip and tell him to "Man Up" and send those family pics of you cause your fan club wants to see you in action.

I'm out of chemo and radiation now but have to go to see the doc's Monday to get a clarification of a few things before I start my 5 week vacation from all this stuff. Ya'll play nice and I'll post those pics when Krish sends em'.

Sr.

Recovery from treatment

Been having some computer problems but things now appear to be okay.

Had the last hit of radiation yesterday and followed that with a visit with the doc to demonstrate motor skills and hand eye coordination. Will post those pics when Kristin transfers them from her camera to my email then to Joey.

Haven't rec'd the word yet on exactly what the score is on the malignancy but I do know that I'm off chemo for 5 weeks and off radiation for 5. Whatever that means, I'm certain it's good news.

Oncology said they want my body to heal from the treatment. I am assuming that whatever the radiation does in terms of fatigue etc, they want my body to return to it's state prior to the first visits to chemo and radiation. I'm game for that as my blood counts are suppossed to be key in whipping all this bidness.

I'm planning on headin' south in a few days but I need to get some parameters set with the doc before I take off. I'm gonna go see Jay and Woody come hell of high water but I just want to have some kind of "conduct" statement from the doc before I go. That's been best for me so far.

Also gonna go stay on the south end of Toledo Bend Lake where I found a neat little cabin to rent. Just need to spend some time with all my peeps who I haven't been around since Father's Day.

Ya'll hang tight, soon as Kristin gets the pics downloaded, we'll post em'.

Sr.

Temporary Computer Problems

Have been out of touch over the past 24 hours or so. Joey said it's short term. Will post asap. Today is last day for 5 weeks.

sr.

Now it's Thursday instead of Friday

Finished with radiation today and was told that Thursday not Friday was my last day.

Will have to meet with Oncology tomorrow to confirm that this Friday is my last day for chemo, not Friday week. Krish back so I know it will eventuatlly get squared away and put in it's proper order.

Will figure all that out and let you know how and why this has changed.

It's nap time now as the radiation fatigue demands it.

sr.

Milestone Reached!!!

Doc told me today that I had "something" in my blood that was the absolute best. Can't remember what it was but don't care cause I'm not in the blood bidness. I'm in the cancer killin' bidness.

It had a value you to it that was either 146,000 or 164,000. All I remember was it stung me this morning when they were taking the blood sample in Hematology prior to my Oncology appointment.

The long story short on this had to do with the decision that I would be off radiation this Friday but in addition to that, I would also be off chemo. I'm not sure if the recent increases in fatigue, burned skin and hair falling out had anything to do with the decision or not. In that light, I also don't care what stimulated the decision.

Just wanted to post this as some have been a little concerned that I didn't make the post yesterday as anticipated.

Leland is here and he said to say hello or "o hell".

Joey came by and went to supper. Dupester stopped in and took pictures that I will post or get Joey to post when Dupe sends em on.

We may try to take cousin Miriam to see Inglorious Basterds. That will be the 3rd time for me and I can't wait to go.

Kristin is home or will be in twenty minutes or so. Can't wait till she's here. There's just something about being totally organized and equipped when she's around.

I admit that I have a hard time keeping everything in line as it relates to food, food time, pills, pill time and all the other stuff that goes with a regime like I've been on. You'd freak if you knew how many milligrams I've taken since this whole thing started.

In any event, when Kristin is here, I can afford to "forget" because you can bet that she won't. I've missed her. She's been gone 3 weeks and 48 hours or so and so has Jr.

Will fill you guys in on some of the specifics as I know that Stan and Hank's family may wish to know how all of this has unfolded.

Waylon, we gonna hook up on the East Texas bullseye deal. Kat, Monalisa, see ya'll tomorrow. Will bring big brother cause he says he wants to hear what ya'll say when you see my twin.


sr.

Talk about "comfort level".

Phone rang yesterday with news from Melissa regarding a rib eye dinner. Talk about a spark of energy and a caloric rush!

She's one of the best cooks I've ever been around and when Melissa, Sue, Joey or Beth sends an invitation to eat something from their kitchen, you just have to cancel everything and go do it or live to regret it.

I'm pretty tired of eating out but not tired of having to deal with preparing my own meals so I was immediately game to get on with that show. Discovered that Elsa was going to make it, too and since I haven't seen her in a long time, that was double cool. Elsa's no slouch either when it comes to the kitchen.

About 6:15 pm. I tuned in the LSU Vanderbilt game, turned on the recorder to save it for Tim and Kristin and made my way to Melissa's house. When I arrived, Melissa fired up the coals, grabbed the keys to her car and both of us went to pick up Elsa.

We came straight back to Dixie Garden in time to see the coals were ready and made ready the attack.

Talk about a "comfort level".

Girls, wives, family members, when your cancer patient doesn't have enough energy to scratch his head, these baby dolls are life savers and they've been key in making my life easier during all the chemo/radiation and fatigue that comes with the battle.

Think about that for a minute or at least think about the effect they would have on your patient.

They're the girls you dug in high school, they're excellent cooks, they know you're not able to wash the dishes or take out the trash, they'll let you eat your weight in ribeyes and home made dessert and they're real easy to look at.

Foxy wimmenz in the kitchen at 60 can be a whole lot better than foxy wimmenz in the kitchen at 25. Maturity removes all the clutter and lets you get right down to pure friendship without social motive. I love all my high school wimminz even the ones that are married to my high school friends.

So, having said that, let me suggest that you try to contact all of your patient's friends from high school and college and let them know what's up. It's a treat to look at these sixty year old faces and still see that smile that existed when they were 16.

I'm not just talking about the girls either.

"The Dupester" (Steve Dupuy) is retired now and only lives a few blocks over. He's been on call from the git go and can make it to Tim and Kristin's house in roughly 4 or 5 minutes depending on traffic. When Joey is out of pocket, I have a long list of phone numbers that I can call to make sure I don't get busted driving which won't be legal till Friday.

Trust me, the more folks you have in your support group, the easier your load is going to be, and the better off your patient will be. It's neat to have somebody show up that you've known forever and when that happens you get more of that positive mental attitude that is so important to kickin' that cancer's butt on a 24/7 basis.

That's pretty much the story of Saturday. Best kinda therapy a rib eye freak can have!!!!

Ya'll have a nice Sunday. Play nice.

Sr.

Big Brother is comin'.

Leland's comin Monday. Prolly won't bring that alligator but he'll bring a boat load of BS and we'll catch up then. Don't remember much about his last visit but I know I've seen him at least 3 times since Father's Day. Stan, Sue, ya'll get ready and I'll call about his ETA.

Sr.

Short note about Noah's Picture

Want everybody to know that I"ve talked to Tim Jr about getting Noah's picture emailed and inserted into the archives for your copying.

He's in the process of moving so he doesn't have a computer hooked up in his house at the moment and you don't get to play with the computer on the ship. It's not like that. He told me that he would talk to Harris about it and get some more shots.

Just wanted to insert this in front of the post I made below because I've had so many emails from "The Noah Harris Fan Club". Several have already copied the Man Up story but they want to add Noah's picture and hang it on their refrigerator doors. Good job, Harris!

Ya'll play nice while I'm gone!

Sr.

The Ghost, the Army and a little back shootin'.

I've been asked to make a point or two about the methods I've used to ignore certain negative things surrounding terms like "worst kind of tumor on the planet" and "malignant brain tumor".

I've also been asked to elaborate on some of the things I've implanted in my brain as it relates to the ficticious characters operating there and the sometimes perverted comrades who are part of my Army.

So, in pursuit of that, let me say a couple of things about "perception" and positive mental attitude.


I couldn't do anything about the dosages, the malignancy, the trauma to the brain and head, and a long list of other stuff that's totally out of my control. I did however, accept them and began to plan a strategy to deal with them.


Almost to a man, everybody at the hospital continued to tell me that a positive mental attitude is 65% of the job. They explained things like the effect that laughter has on brain chemestry and how many more muscles it takes to frown than to smile.


When they did that, I began to view my body as "The Country" and my cell structure as my "Armed Citizenry".


I brought in the close air support pilot, the gunship pilot and the scout pilot that still lives inside me everyday.


I removed the politicians and all the rules of engagement that we were forced to live under and then instructed the Commanding Officer (me) that there were no rules at all except those that were made by me. The rule then became "There are no rules".


Next, I started to mentally associate with the likes of John Wayne, Kirk Douglas, Bruce Willis and Arnold Swartzennegger or however you spell that. I added some Lone Ranger, Brad Pitt, the Basterds, and some other individuals that you could say were "shoot now and ask questions later" kind of people.


The more I added to my Army, the better I liked it, the better I began to feel. I began to tell the gang at radiation that "the reason you see my finger moving on the hand ring I hold on to while I'm being radiated is because I'm pulling the trigger on the minigun I had in 70 and 71.

By the time I finished fabricating all these warriors and cancer cell serial killers, my brain chemestry was right where I wanted it to be.

It's nothing at all for me to have these visions of tracers flying into the backs of each cancer cell and watching each cell grab for it's back as it falls to the floor, grave yard dead. I always said that shooting a guy in the back, a guy that is trying to kill you, is the absolute best policy.

It removed any possibility of him getting a shot off at you and killing one of the crew members that you were responsible for. I never lost one single crew member and in fact, never even had one wounded. Back shot, it's the ONLY way to go.

My Army wanted a body count so I met with Waylon and the gals and asked about it. We received the formula for figuring all that out but I never actually ran the numbers because we were told it was almost two million cells that we'd killed up to that point.

When I'm asked "how are the treatments going", I think of the Army, the body count, the guys I have in my corner who often times say "Load 100% tracer rounds and burn their asses up" and I simply say that they're going great.

All of these things either add up to "craziness on my end of things" or an uncanny ability to make mind over matter work for me, my brain chemestry, my mental attitude about all this and the day to day battle that has to be faced without depression or even concern.

I even created an alter ego that would become a "ghost" in the event that I died in the first 90 days after surgery. I'm sure there are some folks out there that would NOT want the ghost of T L Butler to come for a visit. The more I thought about that, the more I laughed and the more postive brain chemesty I created. Think about that for a minute. You upset about anything going on in the country right now? Poof, just like Samantha on Bewitched, you could just wrinkle your nose and arrive at any given place to do your ghostly duty. Yeah, I liked it alot.

After I put all of these characters in place I had to tell everybody that my perspective about life and it's priorities had totally changed. I let everybody know that negative things simply weren't allowed to exist in my environment and to violate that mandate would be met swiftly by me and my new rule book regardless of who you were. I just don't allow it. Make sure you eliminate everything of a negative nature.


Something like that is hard for a family to swallow until they stop a minute and try to gain a different thought process by putting themselves in my position or the position of their family member. It's really hard for folks to try and tell you how they would feel if they had malignant brain cancer. Kinda like a woman having a baby. No way for a guy to know.

In any event, my group has stood up to the plate and actually become part of that Army of crazy people who participate in the malignant cell serial killin part of the job. Look at some of Joey's posts and you'll see what I mean. He's just as much of a sicko as anybody is, he just knows how to portray it better by computer.

On the other side of the page there are those who are not so crazy.

They run prayer groups and continue to do follow ups regarding that. My brother is in a prayer group that sent me a "prayer blanket" with my name on it. There are employers, family, friends, neighbors, old high school buddies and even an ex wife who offfered a spare room to recover from surgery.

I mean, my support group is bad to the bone and they've made it happen for me. They will do it for you too if you can get everybody on the same page, a page that is almost certainly unlike any page you've ever been on before.

When you add all that up, it totally eliminates the small stuff that you really do have control over. Make Stan or anybody in this same position, as comfortable as humanly possible.

That's what Kristin and Tim Jr did for me and I want for nothing, I have everything and of everything I have, if I want to change it, all I have to do is say I want it changed. I'm totally comfortable and that takes away from the somewhat infrequent problems you have with chemo and radiation. Don't have any problems with chemo any more and only fatigue from radiation. It's not a big deal when you have HD tv, a boston cream pie in the refrigerator and a support group as big as mine.

I guess that's going to be all for now. I know this sounds a little crazy to some of you but I guarantee you, it's not about the things that sound crazy, it's about the things that work and don't work. Do the math, you'll see what I mean and probably be shocked at how little effort it took to hit that level of comfort that makes everything so much easier to endure.

Thanks to my support group again!!!!

Sr.