Back on chemo and radiation and I can sure tell the difference. I'm using that realization to acknowledge that the battle is on again and that it's time to get my head back in the game after a week end off the battle field.
I took my right hand and cupped it to my right ear. I took my left hand and put it in front of my mouth while cupping in a manner to connect it with my right hand so I could whisper in my own ear and talk to the enemy a little bit.
I said:
" Hey punk, you in there? It's me again and Im down here to "nuke your ass" a little bit today. By the way, you know why my brain isn't swollen any more? It's because I been feeding you acid with my chemo that's eatin you alive and then, just for good measure, I'm nukin' your cell structure with a real nice shot group from the sniper scope they're using on that radiation machine that's burnin' your ass every day. Like it? You ready? Who's your Daddy".
Some folks might look at me or at least hear what I'm whispering to myself and suggest I be transferred to the psych ward, but since I really, really know that this is exactly what's happening, I kinda like tellin them in advance of their destruction and that I'm back to deliver a little bit of payback for takin me away from my people for so long and causing me and my people so much pain. I especially like that part where I get to talk dirty to them about how I'm gonna rip their cell structure this way, and cut them in half that way. Sometimes I even tell em where I'm gonna hit em. Yeah, it's below the belt.
Okay, I'll admit that I'm stoned on all the drugs they give me but it doesn't matter because I'm not fighting the nausea and everything I'm taking on a daily basis is doing exactly as they said it would and it's working. I may be beat up but for the most part, intellectually, I can formulate plans to play the mind games that have to exist to maintain a positive mental attitude and, from there, I can torture their asses as often as I want to. I am talkin' dirty to em and they haven't been able to shut me up so far.
Will fill you guys in on other stuff when tomorrow comes.
Kickin' that butt!!!! TB Senior
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Timmy, Brother --
ReplyDeleteNo psycho ward for you!!! You just need to keep the ammo resupply coming -- it is absolutely amazing that you are able to boil this situation into a fight with this cancer. I love your conversation with that demon, particularly when you are notifying him in advance of how you are going to kick the shit out of him. I can almost visualize you talking in your mind to the gooks you were preparing to find and smoke back in Vietnam.
This effort or technique of yours is probably the BEST thing you could do to reinforce the chemo and radiation. Plus, it keeps your mind sharp as hell. When this is over and the cancer has E&E'd with what's left of his ass, you should write one of these "self-help" books on this experience and how you were able to handle it -- would be a wonderful gift to someone who doesn't have your knack for "gutting it out", "drivin' on", and "fighting through" the objective.
Wish I had your determination and courage to face this and beat it like you are doing.
Keep firing, pal. The bad guy is taking major hits.
Doug