"Cowboy" Stan Welch

Stan,

Brain surgery is one thing, after brain surgery is another.

The Fighter Pilot's Association contacted all of us about your brain surgery. I hope you or your family reads this blog and can benefit from the links and the day to day postings here. There's lots of information available even though some of it has to do with "postive mental attitude more than drugs/chemo/radiation or anything else.

Even if it's malignant like mine, do not fear. Chemo and radiation is as different as it used to be as day is to night. Keep in mind that every one is different and each person's ability to deal with this kind of thing, is different than the previous statistics have shown. Lots of us are kickin it.

If I can help, post a comment and give me your email or your family's email address. I'll be glad to give you the information and help out if I can.

Good luck.

Tim Sr.
Fireball 28
Red River Valley Fighter Pilot's Association.

Feelin' better every day

Tim Jr and Kristin are good and doing the do in Norfolk.

Tommy Perkins stayed with me (baby sitter) all day Saturday. Tommy, you've been the best since 1972.

Thanks to all the wimminz in my life for all the pork tenderloin, chicken, steak, ice cream, muffins, cake, coffee, company, well wishes and friendship. You girls are the best and during the tough times, ya'll are totally off the chart.

I have ten more days of radiation and, as I understand it, I'm done. I have to go to double dosages of chemo starting two Monday's from today but Doc says "you will be able to handle it because you will be off radiation when we start that. He's hit everything on the head since we've begun so I'm listening to everything he's said........and I hate to admit this........even the part about me not driving.

He said I need to heal from the brain trauma first and since they did take some of my brain, the time frame that is required to demonstrate that I will be able to drive has not yet reached the point that the docs say is the minimum.

It just goes to prove that the word "no brainer" has a meaning. Whatever they did take out, they didn't take the crazy part or any of the work stuff. I guess they took the part out that I wasn't using anyway.

Ya'll have a nice day. I'm gonna go get ready for the radiation boogie. Leland, Elaine, know that Joey is coming to get me so don't worry I am NOT going to drive. Jr, try to hook up with Blue 6 this week. I know you're busy but he has some inside information for you that involves your upline.

See ya'll soon.

Sr.

Pictures from the Scene of the Crime

"WANTED! GBM serial killin' maniacs in blue scrubs, for the wanton destruction and systematic eradication of Millions !"

That's what the headline of the GBM Gazette would have read, had they ever had a chance. I don't know how many of those nefarious little buggers have gone to their doom at the hands of these skilled practitioners of the radioactive arts, but we do have proof that they DO enjoy their work. At least when Sr. is in the crosshairs.

I am sorry that these pictures aren't the best of quality, but when you are scanning a printout, stuff happens. You can still see the look of glee in their eyes in the last photo, with the mastermind flashing the victory sign for this sortie.

On a side note, T-bo, I tried changing the pic in the header, but I either don't have the ability or permission to edit that sort of stuff. This is second best.

You pick the answer to this one, it's multiple choice

Remember the point made earlier about "Advice vs. Consent"?
Remember the thought process: "Sometimes it's easier to get forgiveness than permission"?.

Last week I attempted to get "permission" to start driving again. Couldn't do that for some reason that I don't understand.........or, shall I say...........don't accept.

I've started doing some very, very low yield excercise work to get back in shape because I don't want to be held up by any required "physical rehab" at the end of this road. It's so low yield that you may not even recognize it as excersize.

Just taking a short walk around the front yard several times per day is one. Climbing the stairs at the hospital or at the Bass Pro shop when I went to get some Tee shirts is another. Yeah, I had my baby sitters with me when I went.

In any event, Tim jr took me to Bickham Dixon Park and I drove the entire circuit twice. Joey let me drive to Strawn's and I made a "right hand side back up maneuver" which is the most difficult to make when backing into a parking spot. After that, I drove by myself to the grocery store and did that without any problem. Later last night I drove over to Melissa's for chicken and then went to get ice cream for dessert. It's only two miles from Pennsylvania Avenue but that isn't the point.

The point is this. It's having the ability to drive when and if you want to, need to or must.

Now that Tim and Kristin are gone I have more people dropping by. Yesterday, my good friend of 37 years, Tommy Perkins, came to town and stayed with me for almost 8 hours. It was great. We went to Beams in Bossier for lunch but Tommy drove. We left there and went to Bass Pro shop and I drove. I drove back to Tim and Kristin's house too. We just watched the game and talked for hours about Leesville and work.

In any event, it's all about "maintaining a positive mental attitude" and if I am fully capable of driving safely, then I'm going to drive. I'm not on the pain medications any more as the trauma to the brain and skull have pretty much healed or at least healed to a point where it no longer requires dope to be without pain from the head aches that used to just be a part of the healing process.

Was gonna drive by Sheila's today to check on the chocolate chip cake but had to do emails and the blog then get a nap in before the race starts at 3. Moto GP.

Thought about going by B's house but that lost out to the nap, too.

Okay guys, it's time to vote.

I am NOT screwin' up by driving. I say that with the caveot that my driving is pretty much limited to the number of blocks that I am from the grocery store or the hospital. It might be within a 4 mile radius but more often than not it's closer to a 4 block radius.

Go ahead and vote if you'd like but just keep in mind, the gestapo will have to show up and take the keys or take me into custody cause I'm not going to stop voluntarily if I continue to be pain med free and feeling so good.

Wanna drag?
Tim Sr.

East Bound & Down

We made it last night around 3:00 am. Krish and I are going to rest up and get ready for the week. Dad, tell Joey to log on and change out/ update pictures for you on the main page. He has contributor's access to the blog. Hope all is well. Thanks to everyone for pitching in and checking on pop while we're out here tying up our loose ends. Sacrifice a chicken, do a dance or whatever you can to get the good luck run'n so we don't take an ass-whippin on the sale of this house. Peace out. Much love. Jr.

Shot in the head Fred. Big Mo, Bernie

The 5th Warrant Officer Candidate Company reported for duty on July 4th, 1969. It's hard to believe that 40 years ago we were "called up on the hill" which was the term they used when all of the students reporting for flight school were actually taken out of the reception station and transferred to the billets to begin ground school.

We had a men in charge of us that we called tac officers. CW2 B.T. Diable was ours. He was already a Vietnam vet with a helicopter tour under his belt. He brought all that combat experience with him and commenced to educate us in all manner of things relative to preparing for war. He was an educator as oppossed to being a teacher and there is a difference.

We had some "high achievers" in that flight. Howard (Big Mo) Modjeski was a guy who managed to get everything right every time. He was so squared away it used to aggrevate us that he'd get 100% on almost everything he did while we had to work hard just to keep up.

Fred Thompson, Bruce Marshall, Doug Gjertson and James Miles were a few other guys that are worthy of note. Fred and Bruce flew gunships together and, as a coincidence, ended up in Big Mo's medivac ship when they were shot down.

Fred took an AK 47 round in the helmet. It entered the helmet at the right side of the helmet where there was a small protrusion that allowed clearance for the earmuff styled radio speaker. As a blessing to all of us who loved Fred so much, the round was slightly deflected and it's trajectory changed to a point where it "stayed inside the helmet" but in doing so, cut Fred from temple to temple. That's when he came up with the nickname, "Shot in the head, Fred".

Bruce was banged up too but I can't remember the extent of his damages except to say that the war ended for both of them on that day and both returned home to lead full lives.

James Miles was the old man of the unit and was somewhere around 34 when he began flight training. We lost James in Korea. There were too many others that we lost, too many to mention here but suffice it to say that we miss them all including Steve Larrabee, the California Kid.

In any event, I've been getting emails from the Big Mo and Bruce as well as Bernie. Lots of support and well wishes as well as a realization that I have it so much better than some who went before me.

It's all about perspective. My life now is clearly a life and death battle but it's damn sure not nearly as hard for me on a day to day basis as fighting in Cambodia. Funny how things always end up as a "comparative analysis".

So, while Tim Jr and Kristin are driving back to Norfolk, Virginia and I'm waiting to have the pictures of Waylon, Lisa and Cathy transferred to the blog, I just wanted to give a shout out to Big Mo and the guys and tell ya'll how much I appreciate the well wishes AND the acknowledgements that making mental gun runs and maintaining a postive mental attitude IS a part of what this is all about.

You guys are the best of the best and your input is very well received and applied as crew members who help me hit the targets.

Thanks again for the back up. I know you "have my six". Sorry about leaving out so many of the guys who didn't make it back. Jimmy Dunnavant and I went all the way through basic and flight school together and I think about him every year.

Thanks people and thanks for the comment section on the blog. ,

Tim sr.

"MAN UP"

An inspirational story courtesy FC2 Jason Harris (USS Enterprise sailor and good friend).

Many of you may be wondering about the 3 yr old with the mustache and rightfully so; the moral of the following story is parental genius and perspective demonstrated by a 3yr old named Noah Harris:

Over the years I have shared many stories with my buddies on the ship. Most tales surrounded my childhood years and time spent at the camp in Coushatta with dad, Stanely and the Johnson Family. These were formative years for me that continue to have an impact on my decision making process and crisis management skills. Many were amazed at the accounts of "Feats of Strength", "the Wings of Mercy & the Torch of Death", "Tests of Manhood", "the beloved game of HIT the TREE!" and the infamous "Monkey Monster & the Devil Dog". Needless to say, much of the experience gained at that camp has manifested itself it some very unique ways that always seem surprising to "outsiders". Some cringed and used words like torture while we laughed and used words like fun and unforgettable. But for those of us at the Churchofwhatshappeninnow it was only the first Gospel; the Genisis of T.L. Butler Sr parenting 101 and a legacy that I believe in whole-heartedly and will carry on until the day I die.

Never before had I met an "outsider" who developed their very own version of the exact same parenting techniques; that is, until I met Jason Harris and his little boy Noah.

I went to Jason's house after work for a little help with some maintenance on my motorcycle. One thing led to another, maintenance was complete, and we ended up on the couch sipping cold beer and playing with the kids. Noah was horseplaying with his brother and ended up with a little hurt and a lotta tears. The next thing I know, Noah is fighting through the tears and asking his daddy for the moustache because he needed to -MAN UP-. I was completely confused and just sat back and watched it all unfold. Apparently, Jason had laid the ground work to let Noah know that Men don't cry. Men are strong. Men do whatever it takes and since Noah was only 3 yrs old and not quite old enough to be considered a Man; Jason made him a moustache that he keeps taped to the fridge so Noah can use whenever he needs to Man Up. This little boy grabbed that 'stache, put it on his lip, took a deep breath, stopped crying and Manned UP! As soon as he was good, he took it off and put it back on the fridge. I was amazed. It was great.

Fast forward 4 months and I'm standing outside the VA DeBakey Medical Center in Houston Texas with my dad 12 hours before surgery. To say there were a few butterflies in the stomache would be an understatement. Just about that time, I recieved a text message from my friend Noah with the aforementioned photo and instructions to tell my dad to Man UP and it would be OK. So I passed along the info, showed pop the picture, grabbed the first ink pen I could find and drew the devil dog in the palm of mine and dad's hands, joked about HalliLamaMaTuah to ward off the evil spirits and off to surgery prep he went. I think he scared the nurses.

Perspective for a 60yr old Vietnam Vet is a bit different than one of the coolest 3yr olds in the world BUT they are fundamentally the same. Dad's already got a moustache but seeing Brad Pitt and the Bear Jew take a Louisville Slugger to a Nazi, or getting a little front seat time in a Corvette, or getting a kiss on the cheek from a good-looking nurse is just the kind of positive reinforcement he needs to Man Up. He does it every day and he does it with a style and manner that is all his own.

Feelin' good again.

First all night sleep last night since Father's Day.

Talked to Waylon and Lisa today so we will wait until tomorrow on the picture takin' deal for the new fan club of the radiation department. Thanks Martha and Otto.

Internet connection is intermittent today so I'm going to run along. It's 8:30 and my eyelids are a bit heavy.

Good news today from work, the staff at the hospital and the radiation oncologist at the VA. Will run for now but wanted ya'll to know that I'm feeling really, really good about the adjustments to the medication I take during chemo. Workin' like a fat baby's butt.........real smooth.

Waylon, Lisa, Cathy, don't forget that camera. See you a bit after lunch. TB sr.

Radiation Gun Run

The helicopter at the top of the page was one of the ships I flew when I was scouting for the 11th Armored Cav. This ship made many trips into Cambodia.

If you look close enough, you'll see the minigun on the left hand side of the ship. That's a 4,000 round per minute, fire breathin' gatlin gun. That's almost 70 bullets per second.

Today, when I was in the radiation treatment itself, I started to count the time span as each shot is made by Waylon, Lisa and.....you know, the chickies. It seemed like it was a two second burst at each point around a 360 degree circle. I thought that would be roughly 140 rounds of minigun fire going into my head.

During this little game, I would mentally take the OH 6 above and make two second shots from the minigun into my right temporal lobe area and watch as each round took out another cell. I was shootin' em in the back all across the spot I needed to hit. They were screamin' and holding their arms in the air as the fell stone ass dead on the site.

I visualized going so fast that I could make maneuver that we called "a cyclic climb".

That maneuver would give me a ton of altitude real quick but at the same time take me to a a final altitude with zero vertical airspeed that would let me make a pedal turn and dive straight down with the minigun blasting away. It's a pretty ballsy maneuver and we didn't use them all the time but high time, experienced pilots could do it very well.

In any event, as I dove down toward my head blastin away with the minigun, I could see the cells that I was shooting. Those were the ones I had been shooting in the back only a moment before the cyclic climb. Now, after the climb and the 180 rotation that took me from a climb straight up to a dive straight down, I could see the rounds hitting them in the chest. Man, were they freakin' out.

I made another pass or two from the sides because Waylon and the chickies had been rotating the radiation unit. Each time they rotated the unit, I just changed my angle of attack a little and then I'd give em another 2 second burst and 140 rounds or so.

We're actually pilin' up a good amount of dead, burned bodies.

The formula we rec'd from Neurology seems to indicate that we've killed 1.8 million of them in the past 3 weeks and 2 days. It's either 1.8 or 18.0 million.

At 140 rounds per pass, you can see that Waylon and the chickies are doin a hell of a lot better with their body count than I am but, that's okay cause I get to mentally kill em every night. I do that just to piss em off and kinda punish em..........cause I can out "mind game them" every day.

In any event, there's the kinda crazy stuff that goes on in radiation. They're real serious about it, good at it, and serious as a heart attack about it...........but they like the idea of me making gun runs on it with the OH 6.

One last note about the future.

MARVIN, with regard to the future, there's a motorcycle, a corvette and as always, some campin'. But right now you have to GET to the future first. That's what I'm workin' on.

Ya'll have a nice day.

Back on track!

Had a good day today at radiation. Waylon and the chickies gave me the run down on steroids, nausea meds and their connection to "off on the week ends". Feeling so much better.

I bought a pick up truck today. More correctly stated, I cashed my insurance check and sent Tim Jr and Kristin on a shopping spree which ended up with the deal on the truck. Got another F 150 4 wd with extended cab and all the goodies just like the one I totalled. This one apparently hasn't gone through the number of construction jobs my other one went through and is cleaner so I'm happy with it. They deliver it tomorrow sometime.

Feeling a whole lot better about all of this now that I'm on the mend and am not suffering from the nausea. The sulfa monster is back on the Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule but I am armed and ready for it.

Hope to be able to start posting something a bit more interesting than stuff like this but wanted to pass this along because of email replies to the hooked on steroids post.

Feelin' better.

TB sr.

Hooked on Steroids?

Well, I guess I need to admit that I had a pretty rough Friday and Saturday but at the same time, add that it was probably my fault that I did.

I took the Sufamonster, as directed by my Monday, Wednesday, Friday drug regimen, and didn't think anything about doing it except, "hope this one doesn't get me". Late Friday night, I began to have some stomach trouble with it. I've had it before so it didn't freak me out or anything like that. It just seemed to be a little bit more uncomfortable than normal.

I made a notation on Kristin's excel spread sheet that stated: "sick at 1:05 a.m."

On Saturday morning I began my "no chemo this week end schedule". I do not have to take the chemo but I do have to take the steroid and the anti nausea. I didn't do either one of those on Saturday. It knocked me down later in the day Saturday. I'll admit that I was sick as a dog and just won't go into the details except to say that it was the worst so far but not as bad as some of the guys are going through. Just worst for me.

I always thought that being hooked on something was like the "hooked' you see on television. You know, the "go rob a bank" to get the money to buy the drug kinda hooked. That wasn't me. I could have cared less about taking the drugs. I didn't even want to take them but not doing so, made me "pay" in a different way.

Rather than being "hooked" we rationalized that my body was telling me that you can not just "stop" taking the things that I'm on right now. You have to step down a little at a time and a 100% stoppage won't work especially with the steroids and the anti nausea. I am now and over the week end, was still 100% saturated with the chemo. Should have taken the pills.

As things unfolded and I was doubled over gagging in the back yard, Jr and Kristin took out the spread sheet, went down the list and started pouring the pills into me that were prescribed. That, with an anti-nausea tablet and some electrolytes, did the trick and within 15 minutes I felt no nausea at all. Totally back in rhythm with everything.

I managed to get a meal in me and when it came to bed time, I ended up sleeping very well. When I woke up Sunday morning, Jr gave me a breakfast of pancakes, sausage, scramled eggs, biscuit and hash browns and, when I made it through that, I went back to sleep and slept until 11:45 when the phone woke me up. Needed to get up anyway as I had already slept a long time, maybe 10 hours.

It's 3;45 a.m. Monday morning and I'm back with the nausea but it's not so bad right now that I can't write this down. Just want to let Tommy and the gang in Leesville know that I've been a bit off the mark since Friday and that I'll catch up with them by phone when I feel a little better than I do right now.

Gotta go try something to eat to see if I can whip up on this stomach thing. Will probably sleep the day away again except that I start chemo and radiation again in about five hours.

I will rise above this and figure it out. Sr.

Technical Update

A link to previous posts has been added to the bottom of the web page to allow new users the chance to review all the posts that have been generated on this blog. There is also a "recent comments" archive at the bottom of the page. In order to submit a comment, I believe you click on the comments link at the bottom of each post and follow the prompts.

Please refer any questions/comments/difficulties with the site to tlbutlerjr@gmail.com and I will do my best to remedy the situation. Any suggestions for improvement are welcome as this is my first attempt at creating and running a blog.

I am in the process of adding live audio and video streams from Vietnam. It is very impressive and any of you military types and history buffs should love whats in the works. It beats the History Channel by a mile.

Thanks again for your support, your prayers and your patience.

Regards,

Management.

Bob Robinson's Visit

To refresh family memories, I went to high school with Bob and actually ended up living across the street from he and Lilah when I lived in Dixie Garden. I took most of you across the street to the brown brick house with the super shop in the back yard.

He's the guy that did the technical / restoration work on the motorcycle pictured above. Yesterday he called and came over. You are not going to believe what he brought with him.

Tim jr had given Bob two cassette tapes I made in Vietnam that Stanley kept safe for 38 years. One was made one night during a rocket attack on our flight line at Long Binh.

The other tape was made during a long day's flight between Long Binh and Tuy Hoa. Even though that mission was flown in June or July of 1970, I remember it as a flight which took roughly 11 total hours to make.

I also remember one hell of a fire fight going on because we received a radio call from Center that told us we were flying through artillery firing lines and needed to get the hell out of there.

It was the first time I managed to see pretty much all of Vietnam's East Coast and it included Cam Rhan Bay, the Phang Rang Pass and a couple of somewhat infamous areas along the coastline where some pretty serious battles had taken place between the VC and our allies from the Rupublic of South Korea, who incidentally, were really squared away troops.

In any event, Tim and Bob are going to put a link here that will let you click on certain portions of those two tapes. You should be able to listen to us talking and playing guitar on the flight line at "Redcatcher Heliport" and then, in the middle of all that, the rocket attack.

We also found a video that I made in Cambodia during CIA ops and Nixon's Secret War there.

That tape even has audio on it with music from the era. It includes Cambodia, Thien Ngnon, Tay Ninh, Nui Ba Din, Cu Chi and a few other areas of interest to all my buddies from the Cav, Fireball Aviation and the Red River Valley Fighter Pilot's Association. I hope ya'll enjoy that and as soon as Bob and the technogroup get all that lined out, we'll get it up and running.

Had a good night's sleep at Tim and Kristin's last night so I am feeling better rested today than yesterday which probably was my worst day for nausea since the beginning of chemo. Despite that, I'm feeling much, much better today. Will rest this afternoon and begin the battle again tomorrow. Keep smilin'.

Sr.

1957 Motorcycle

That picture is a shot in the back yard on Dixie Garden of my 1957 Model 8, Mustang Motorcycle. It was a junker when I bought it and it took a year to do all the restoration work but it sure turned out nice. Bob Robinson did the hard stuff, Buddy Trudell did the paint, Marvin helped do some of the assembly work. I busted knuckles more than once.

It lives in a private collection in New Mexico.

I gave Tim Jr. a 1955 Mustang frame that I bought from a guy named Alan Wenzel who is, in my opinion, the go to guy to buy Mustang parts from. It's a reproduction frame and is brand new but it's the frame they used in the mid fifities. There's a Mustang link here for you guys who are old scooter nuts. Jr is going to build a Navy Theme Bike.

Speaking of Jr, I spent the afternoon at Tim and Kristins today. First time I've done that. They now have wireless, direct tv and all the goodies. Ron came by to look at the electrical connections and do a lay out to install a 30 amp circuit to accommodate my motorhome. Would be quite nice for me to be able to have my own little cubby hole to hide in from time to time. One of the boys will pick up a brand new roof mounted air conditioner Monday.

Jr gone to Monjuni's for Italian and plans are unfolding for a movie after dinner. Don't know if I'll be able to stay awake as I'm really tired but I'll give it a shot.

One quick note about Inglorius Basterds.

I'd forgotten the rules about common sense and logic among your enemies. When they ignore common sense and logic and they refuse to cease and desist with whatever you tell them to cease and desist about, you get to do "ruthless".

Last night, long after the movie was over, I thought about all of the attempts we've made in the last 100 years to use as much logic and common sense as possible as it related to the "enemies" we've had.

Most specifically, I thought about the second world war and how my uncles had to deal with all that "hard headedness or stubborn attitude" among those who would have killed us or enslaved us.

I had uncles that served on Guadalcanal, Iwo Jima, stood watch on the East Coast during u boat patrols, was the first U S Army Medic to enter Mauthausen Concentration Camp and one was captured by the Germans when fighting Rommel and the "Afrika Corp". (Turned in by Muslims).

When you think about that kind of thing, it's kinda refreshing to re-discover just how wonderful it is to achieve a specific result by using the opposite of logic and common sense. Sounds crazy, doesn't it. "Using the opposite of logic and common sense"? Yeah, if they don't want to use logic and common sense, get completely on the other side of that world and go totally ruthless just like Brad Pitt. Worked during the big one, didn't it!!

In any event, I sure did like Brad Pitt's performance in his role. Really neat movie. See ya'll tomorrow.

Sr.

"Inglorious Basterds"

An absolutely incredible flick. Worth repeated viewings. A completely fantastical view of a glorious "what-if" scenario for a WWII film. The modern day version of Lee Marvin's "Dirty Dozen". This is not your granddaddy's war movie.

It was a real joy sitting there and watching pop get such a kick out of seeing the good guys play so dirty. It dawned on me that those Basterds up on the big screen were a fictional manifestation of Pop's exact style of combating the enemy.... dirty, ruthless and with more passion than Louis L'Amour. He would probably refer to it as just an "extension of his naturalism". And it is just that.

His attitude is top notch. This whole ordeal was simply a call to arms and he suits up everyday ready to do whatever is necessary to fight back. He has already surpassed many of the early expectations of negative side effects of treatment and I truly believe that is in a large part due to sheer will power.

Poppa is good. Do yourself a favor and take somebody you love out to eat and maybe even a chance to see a little Nazi-killin' to boot! Enjoy the weekend.--------------Jr.

"From Light Bulb to Lazer Beam"

Something really, really cool happened today that I have to tell you about. Tim Jr is "fired up".

I'm not absolutely positive but I'm reasonably sure that he's figured out that the mountain of paper work he and Kristin have been buried under is almost at an end.

It's not just the paper work from the hospitals in Leesville, Houston and Shreveport. It includes the paper work that comes when you have a home in Virginia, a full time job in the Navy, submitting reports that surround the things he's doing here with me and my situation for the future, and some of the insurance stuff that came after the wreck. It's a whole lot of paper work.

As things have begun to hit that point of almost being complete, we've found the luxury of having conversations about combat. Obviously, with all the stuff coming out of my photo files, cassette tapes I made during a mission, a recording of a rocket attack I went through, a video tape I made in Cambodia and all the emails from guys I flew with, there's always a question about this combat mission or that picture.

In the midst of those conversations, Jr has his own war stories to tell from his combat tour. Like mine, some are pretty funny and some are a bit scary.

As is true with any combat vet I've ever talked to or known, they always recall certain things about where they were or what was going on in a particular battle. They could tell you which tank model, which artillery piece, the type of gunships that were there, the type rockets that were fired and all manner of details about a battle that sticks out in their mind.

With this situation at the VA, we counted our weapons today. Not only are Waylon and the chickies nukin' ole gbm 4's ass every day, the Oncology Department has a trick or two up their sleeves as well.

They use Ondansetron, Dexamethasone, Sulfamethoxazole, Temzolomide and Prochlorperazine to name a few that I know of. When I laid it out like that and read all this stuff I'm using to kill the cancer, I begun to play this little mind game about giving the gbm4 bastards "acid". Yeah, I'm playin the game about Timothy O'Leary's acid trip.

As I understand it, the drugs work in concert with one another to insure that the cancer cells can not split but, while doing that, they make sure that you don't kill yourself through the destruction of your good cells.

I may have that screwed up a little but I've heard conversations about the manipulation of DNA and all kinds of stuff that's foreign to me, so I decided that I liked the story about killin their cells and not mine.........so.......that's my story and I'm stickin to it.

In any event, Tim Jr's had a change in posture or attitude or something. Since he's apparently on the cusp of finishing the paper work and feeling somewhat close to having all of that done, I think his internal "target acquisition system" is lookin for another target that he can produce a body count from.

Yeah, that's right. Jr's lookin for some scalps and a pile of dead ass cancer bodies. I can feel it. I really think that's true.

Having thought about that, I'd kinda like to see a big ole pile of dead, burnt gbm 4 bodies to make an example of myself!

I'm just not sure how to figure out how to get a body count going. I mean, ,what am I gonna do, ask for some brain tissue? That ain't gonna happen. I'll just Waylon and the chickies. They've had a lock on this deal since I walked in the door. Maybe they'll come up with an idea or two that will allow us to play the body count game. I'll let you know how that comes out cause if they figure that one out, you can bet your ass there's gonna be a bon fire when we burn em at the stake.

Tim jr, ready, aim, fire. Let's do it but let's try to go see Brad Pitt first cause he should give us some instructions on takin' those scalps. Yeee Haaa. Tomorrow is Friday and I'm off of chemo and radiation on Saturday and Sunday.................miss all you guys................and thanks for the comments.

Tim Sr.

Memory Lane exit 1970-1

I have recently hit the "memory lane" jackpot. I now have in my possession numerous Vietnam era pictures in addition to two audio tapes of "in country" flight time courtesy of one Mister "Stan the Man" Heinhson. I would like to send a shout out to Bob Robinson for dubbing those old tapes over to a new and improved digital format; much thanks for dragging the rest of us brutes into the 21st century. Once I figure out how to up load audio clips, I will immediately provide a link so ya'll can all hear the voice of a young and rather dapper Chief Warrant Officer Butler as he goes through all of the motions of "in flight" communications. Martin Scorsesi wishes he had such quality uncut history on tape. Man, it is some good stuff.
In addition to all of the old memories that I have been feverishly trying to collect and present for Pop, nothing beats a good look at the future. And boy, have we been waiting for Brad Pitt's new movie "Inglorious Bastards", which opens in theaters tomorrow. The Greeks had catharsis, the Romans had the Coliseum and thank God that the Americans have Hollywood. There is nothing like a little pre-radiation pep rally of Nazi-killin' to get an ol' combat vet fired up for treatment.
T.J.----Out

Pop, when you're sleepin', you're healin'.

Following along with almost all of the advice I get from everybody, I've adjusted to the radiation fatigue through naps. I'm not accustomed to that kind of thing because most of my daytime hours have always been playtime whether at work or during the week end.

I didn't wake up this morning in the same condition I did yesterday in that I was not stoned the minute I opened my eyes. That's a good thing.

I was a little on the fuzzy side but not nearly like I was yesterday. I only had one 15 mg tab of "Tamazapam sleeping script" just to make sure I continued with my over 8 hours per day regimen. It worked in that I had a total of 11.5 hours. That would be 1 hour and 45 minutes between 3 and 5 pm, 4 hours between 9 p.m. and 1 a.m. and then the last 6 hours between 2 and 8 am when I finally drug my butt out of bed. I can feel my body getting stronger even though my head continues to waver between clear and fog banked.

Despite all that, I am getting time to study new equipment offerings and write about a really neat asphalt project on the Gulf Coast that I've been wanting to do for more than ten years. I'm having to do that in little stages instead of having a marathon design period like I used to, but that's okay because the numbers I've been wanting are already coming in better than I'd expected. Nothing like staying active.

I have to get ready to do the chemo deal so I gotta fly before Kristin shows up and finds "Poppa T" a few minutes behind on my drug schedule. She's not only drop dead georgeous, she has a brain that runs like a swiss watch. When she tells you to take those pills, take those pills!

If the head gets clear I'll try to put up a little humor as we've recently seen some stuff that had Tim jr and I laughing out loud for over an hour.

For those of you who are dealin' with things like this (Tom), know that I've learned that the majority of stuff here is NOT negative, depressing, bad.

Waylon and the chickies make alot of that happen and the patients around the hospital fill in the blanks with stuff that could win a trophy on "Smile, you're on candid camera".

Wierd happnin's.

T Sr.

Explanation of the term "stoned"

When you first get into chemo, you have to take drugs to prepare for chemo. They include things like anti nausea tablets, antibiotics like the sulfamonster and steroids for the brain swelling.

You have to take all of that everyday before you even take the chemo.

I'm not really sure which one of the above "stones" you but when you take them, you feel a little woozy and I prefer to describe that as "stoned" instead of "drunk". Everybody that knows me knows that I don't do alcohol of anykind. I don't like being around drunks, in fact, while I'm at it, I hate drunks and will do anything to maintain as much distance as possible from them.

Now, when you do the radiation, you don't have to take any drugs to prepare for that. Radiation will however, give you a similar set of circumstances that the drugs do. By that I mean, there is a "feeling" you get when all that is done. The docs typically refer to that as "fatigue". In any event, you are drug induced in the morning before, during and after chemo and you are also "reacting to radiation" in the same fashion from there on out.

This morning resulted in an accounting of the difference in sleep patterns before and after steroid adjustment. Way to go, Jr. It was a fabulous, wonderful, restful night of rest.

I slept 4 hours before my unscheduled 1 a.m. pit stop and then went back down for another 5 hours and 15 minutes. That's right, 9 1/2 hours of rest between 9 p.m. and 8:15 a.m. when Tim Jr and Kristin came over and began the daily duty cycle to take care of me.

The only difference I've noted here and the main reason I'm posting this note has to do with "waking up stoned". I don't ever recall waking up woozy. I always "get woozy" by 9 o'clock or so and I think that "woozy" was a result of the specific mix of drugs.

Now, with Jr's elimination of the steroid wars between speed and fatigue, I believe the "woozy" or the stoned part of being stoned the minute you open your eyes in the morning, is fatigue.

For those of you who have emailed concerns about the possibility of me getting hooked on whatever it is that I'm taking, I appreciate the concern but want to assure you that I'm not in any danger of getting hooked on anything.

If there's any danger, it may be that I might want to "quit" taking some of this stuff before time. I won't do that, but being stoned alot of the time is sometimes funny to your friends from the sixites but it definately is not fun everyday or every morning. It is especially not fun if you like to read and write emails to your people like I do. I'm not complaining, I'm just explaining.

Okay that's it for this morning. It's 9:21 a.m. and I'm already done with chemo. Yeah, I'm stoned.

Thanks for the comment section here and by email. I like it alot and am glad that so many of you are reading the blog and the link section is helping so much with the cancer patients in your families.

More pictures being posted soon as soon as Tim Jr gets em scanned. More stuff from Vietnam and the cockpit. Some from Uncle Charles and Aunt Grace. Neat. Thanks again Tim Jr. what a kick butt take name job you did on the speed wars............................Love you, Poppa.

The Steroid Crash

If you can cut a deal regarding any high dosages of steroids you're on (and you feel too speedy), cut the deal. Ask them if it's possible to adjust them downward. The results are great.

Took 100% yesterday but have cut that in half today. Had a 1/2 tab this morning and a half tab this afternoon. Even though it's a total cut of 50%, two things seem to have occurred.

As an example, as of noon today, I was already down by 50% on one tab but at that time, the two tab per day thing was running at 1/2 tab. That resulted in a total consumption at that time of roughly 1/4 of the normal daily dose.

When I got in from radiation, full stomach and all, I could tell the difference in a big way. There was no battle at all between the drugs from chemo, the fatigue from radiation and the speed from the steroids. To say I was "pretty laid back" is an understatement.

I decided to test the afternoon "speed index". I got on the couch at 3 o'clock. I remember covering up and adjusting the pillow and feeling that "sleep is coming" feeling in my eyes. That was 3:15 and I closed my eyes.

Jr came in around 4:35 and I had just awakened but had not yet gotten off the couch. It was a mighty restful thing as almost all of the other attempts I made at an afternoon nap fought with the steroids and just wouldn't happen.

Even though I am fatigued from both the radiation and the steroid drop, I have this idea that a better or healthier level of energy will come through longer periods of sleep tonight, less steroid tomorrow and more "sleepiness" that is coming with it.

In any event, when you really get engaged in the meds you're taking, the effect they are having, the good part and the bad part of them as you define "good or bad", all you have to do is talk to the docs about it. Mine seem to have an answer for everything, Thank, God. If your parents or an older family member is on them and they're having trouble, just talk to them and then talk to their doctor. They'll love you for it. Good job, Tim Jr..............yeee haa! This feeling is great. No more speed!

It's 8 p.m. and I think I'll have a little left over rib eye and take another stab at a nap with the hopes that I'll wake up from that nap sometime 8 hours later. Ya'll have a nice evenin'.

Tim Sr.

Cousin Russ and the Radiation Department

Joey took me to the hospital today.

Long before we left his house, we decided to go to "Beam's Resturant" in Bossier for a plate lunch so I could fill that stomach and better handle all the pills.

Did all that and arrived at 11:45 just before the noon rush.

As we were sitting there waiting on lunch, I noticed a familiar looking guy walk into the resturant. Focused those eyeballs and discovered that it was my cousin Russ. I waved at him and he came over for a short visit.

We discussed the wreck, the trip to Houston and the effects of chemo and radiation. Everybody seems to be interested in the "effects" from drugs and radiation whether it is the prescription stuff that comes with chemo or the radiation induced feeling of fatigue that comes from taking sclaps from the cancer.

Even though my visit with Russ was pretty short, as it related to "how" I am handling the drug saturation and the radiation, it more or less ended with a statment on my part that I was very well taken care of, avoiding the down side of all this through a perfect balance of drugs but I was stoned a part of every day.

Russ just kinda looked up at me, smiled and said: "Dang it, boy. Those radiation folks sound like my kinda people. I'd kinda like to come down there and hang out with em for a day or so".

My goodness! Day to day little things that make a really shitty situation turn out to be a really postive one, never ceases to amaze me. I am lucky to be here and I know it.

More later, perhaps tomorrow. Hello to Ted and Mary and thanks to Buddy and Donna.

Steroid crash in effect and with the radiation fatigue, I'm going to go down for a little 3 hour premediated nap.

Tim Sr.

Another "Best Night Since the Wreck"

This is the 3rd "best night" I've had in a row. I took what I think was my "last" steroid induced walk at 11:05 pm last night, logged it in my little note book and promptly crashed for the next 7 hours in a row.

I already know that there's going to be an increase in energy that comes from more sleep but I also know that I'm going to experience a term called "steroid crash". That's the reduction in energy that comes with the lower dose. I'm just looking for a little balance in all that and a return to a situation where I can get back to my normal bed time / wake up time.

Since one of the most important aspects of all this has to do with the recovery that involves components outside of medicine and there are so many of you who are experiencing cancer issues with family, I'll spend a minute on "engagement" before I have to go for the day.

Am experiencing a really cool level of "mental and intellectual engagement at work" , even though I'm not "at work".

It's really, really neat to actually knock the sox off your competitor from a hospital bed. It just does all kinds of neat things for your ego and allows you to know that you've earned your paycheck.

With regard to the multi-layered goal of advice and information, know that I've had repeated advice from several VA Docs and one Exec Officer buddy of mine that emphasizes the importance of staying as mentally engaged as you can, and doing so at work if possible.

The guys that drive the whole thing at work just tell me "not to worry" about anything relative to a return date and to prioritize whatever I need to do to continue with my recovery from the wreck, the surgery, chemo and radiation.

If you are retired or not able to work with a bunch of guys at work like I do, get involved with your checkbook, your budget, your hobby or whatever it is that you can get involved in to "stay engaged".

TOM, you get involved, too. Go "ask" them if you can take the pill...........get engaged. Dupe, I'll talk to Tim Jr about you taking me to radiation today and send you an email. Jen, I rec'd the income tax stuff, thanks. Ross, thanks for the kind words and well wishes. Fighter Pilot's, you guys are the best. Doug, thank the Rifle Platoon guys. Bill, thanks for package with the 11th Cav OH 6 on the cover.

Gotta go get ready for the chemo boogie! Blog tonight maybe. Senior!!!

"Pop, you got astronaut metal in your head".

The title above was taken from Tim Jr's answer to me regarding some short term memory losses I had right after the wreck and a few days after brain surgery.

I don't remember alot of stuff that happened in close proximity to the day of the wreck when I was unconscious for 3.5 hours and apparently, I've dropped the ball on a couple of things that happened later that day or earlier the next day when so many people came to see me that I don't remember seeing. I remember Leland coming because he brought the hot rod and motorcycle books. Sorry Jay, Elaine, Tommy and family.

Further to all that, I don't remember a whole lot of details that followed the brain surgery where I was totally unconscious for about 7 hours. If you add it up, within a very short period of time I was unconscious for almost 10 hours and, as a result of the anesthesia, I was in drug outer space for about 3 days.

Moving along to the return to Shreveport to do the MRI, I recalled that it had been cancelled and that my recollection of the cancellation had to do with my understanding that I had this metal plate in my head that would "burn" if subjected to the MRI.

Today, I found out that all of that was wrong.

I'm still not exactly sure why they cancelled it but I am sure it's "not" because of the mis-nderstanding I had relating to the "metal plate in my head". Tim Jr had a lengthy discussion about that in the Oncologists office this morning but I was so stoked about my blood work and everything else that was coming out like roses, I really didn't pay that much attention. Figured it didn't matter much (acceptance) cause I didn't have the MRI and the one that I had scheduled for a few days from now was cancelled. That's a good thing because I don't need one.

After all the discussions were finished with the Oncologist, Jr and I left the hospital and headed to Joey's. On the way when we were discussing the "Staples" as my recollection of the metal that caused the problem, Tim Jr told me what he'd been told. Instead of going through a list of stuff let me simply say that he looked at me and with his own methodology to explain, said:

"Pop, you got astronaut metal in your head".

Things are rolling right along especially with the steroid dosage reduction. I'm so glad about that. I"m sick of this PMS. "Pop's Main Steroid".

That's it for a bit, guys. Wanted to share the good news that we predicted was coming around the bend but just hadn't arrived yet.


Scalps! I want my GBM scalps!!

Herding Cats and Sweet Dreams

Poppa T was right on the money. Loads of good news from the Doc today. Top of the list is that blood work continues to come back good. His body is taking the treatment very well. All systems Go. My good news was that the steroid dossage has been reduced by half. I don't know what experience ya'll have with high dosages of steroids but let me tell you that they are pretty intense. Barrack should look into a feasibility study to see if his new helth care plan would cover steroid prescriptions to GM & Chrystler's top brass. I'm sure their productivity levels would increase. Nevertheless, dealing with a 60yr old Vietnam Vet with pre-existing hyper tendancies and currently hopped up on a Tony Montana-esque mountain of steroids is (I imagine) very similar to the emotions one would encouter in an attempt to herd cats. Very frustrating with moments of extreme hilarity. Pop's sleep ought to really improve now. FYI- one of the side affects from the "chill pill" the good Doctor gave us was vivid dreams. How awesome is that! Come-on Marylin Monroe. I'm rooting for you Pop. Jr.- OUT

1-800-Paige

There's so much good news from the hospital today I'll have to let Tim Jr make the post. Let me say that there are several items, all good and all well received.

There's so much stuff going on in all 3 departments (chemo, radiation, pharmacology) that without Kristin's excell spread sheet, anybody that administers the dosages, the times, the appointments and all the other things, would be crazy.

I have a new saying whenever I am asked to supply the specifics of "how" I handle everything.

I just tell everybody that Tim jr and Kristin do all of that and when they're out, Joey steps up, Steve steps up and it gets handled. When they find out that this statement refers to all the movements to and from the hospital, pharmacy, etc, etc, etc and they ask how is it to deal with the VA, I tell them this.

I have a neice up there that's a big dog RN that totally has a handle on everything. I just tell everybody that when and if times get tough or confusing for any of us, we just call:

1-800-PAIGE.

Works for me! Uncle Tim has it "made in the shade".

No Worries

Today's appointment with the Doc was scheduled the first week we started treatment, as was an Aug 25th date with the MRI machine. We don't typically see Dr. Haddad (the head oncologist at the VA) due to the wonderful blessing that Pop's type of chemo comes in a pill form that he can take in the comfort of his own home. As a result, the good Doc, just wants a little face time with his patient to see how things are going as we enter the 3rd week of radiation (the 1/2 way mark). I second Pop's notion that no bad news will be put out today considering last weeks positive findings related to blood tests and image results performed by the good folks down in Radiation. All things are well here in the Port City and dad is taking this thing like a champ. Also, in response to the previous post, we are definately in the count down to the debute of "Inglorious Bastards" this coming Friday. And in what I'd like to call an extension of pop's naturalism, he has drawn a number of similarities between Nazis and cancerous tumors. Needless to say we are amped to see some of Hitler's boys get their asses handed to them (in addition to their scalps) on the Big Screen. --------- "Bidness is a Boomin' "

Thanks for the great comments, guys!

Okay everybody, it's fun time.

Let's play a little fear game that I'd like to call "Appointment Paranoia".

Ya'll want to test out some of this positive mental attitude theory stuff? Want to test some of that "acceptance" stuff? If you do, we can play one for tomorrow morning right now. Here's the deal.

First of all, I have an un-typical 10 a.m. appointment at the Oncology Department tomorrow morning.

Secondly, I've already had my two week radiation progress consult and examination last Thursday. That one came out so well they even bragged on my blood (play-tuh-lits) and the performance of my blood during the chemo saturation period and radiation.

I'm doing really, really well there. They even described the degree of accuracy of the radiation shots as something that consistently hits its mark within 1 millimeter every time.

That's really good news but it is a bit foreign to anything I've ever been around. Think about that for a second. The fact that having any kind of gun calibrated by focusing on a tight "shot group" in MY head at the right temple area, is a wee bit wierd even for me. In any event, "nice shot group Waylon and chickies". Fire for effect!

So, before we begin the game, know that; at every corner and in each department, everything appears to be working perfectly and the working perfectly scenario is pretty much a function of me telling you how well I am feeling, how they tell me I'm doing, how definitive the imaging reports are and how big this stomach is turning out to be.

I'm at 226.3 pounds now, a function of a "bulk up" order from the Doc to insure I have a little cushion should the typical weight losses from chemo and radiation decide to fight my appetite and digestive system.

I do have a few secrets about gaining (instead of losing) weight like so many predicted.

Yeah, it didn't hurt at all that Harkey brought us a home made blueberry pound cake that was killer and that the Blue Bell Vanilla Bean topped it off. This was her second trip with goodies. The first trip she brought muffins and they didn't last the day. So good it made me want to restrict Martha Stewart to her room. Joey said the cake was so good it was "unprintable".

Harkey's not the only one. Melissa brought ribeyes one night and some pork tenderloin another. Of all the things she cooks, and she cooks so many things so well, pork tenderloin is pretty high on the list of good. So good, I even cooked some for Jay one night just to let him know about it.

It's not just those two and the Tim Jr/ Kristin team.

Dupuy takes me to eat and so does Joey. Kristin and Jr do a great home made breakfast every, single morning of the world. I'm almost afraid to say what Joey's doing for fear that the doc will find out and make me weigh in hourly. Oh, the sacrifices we make to follow doctor's orders to bulk up!

Okay, now! It's time to play.

Everything above is "a given" and very positive. It's happening right NOW as in "the church of what's happnin now".

Tomorrow is another thing and whatever is to unfold there is an unknown.

I'm saying that because I had a little set back of pain as a result of a "sneeze" I had Thursday and I'm not sure if I did any damage during the episode. In addition to that, I have a ton of drug content in my body at the moment as well as hundreds of shots of radiation.

Last but not least, I have NOT yet had my MRI...... but........ tomorrow at 10 am., I'm going to a non typical doctor's appointment where all the bad news so far has been dispensed.

I'm also going there as a patient in their hospital who has been told that I have "the worst kind of tumor on the planet".

Now, you wanna bet that I come out of there with something positive or do you think there's a report around the bend that has more bad news of spreading? I bet good!

I am on this huge prayer list and one of my buddies that I flew with in Vietnam (Nelson "Kat" Ballou) sent me an "angel" via email. It said that I have been targeted to receive some blessing at 11:09 tomorrow morning. I'm counting on that blessing.

Now, for those of you heathens out there who are kinda turned off by all the "faith based" kind stuff comin out of the Church of What's Happnin Now, you can keep on fightin that reality and eventually, when it bites you, find help from "The Church of The Painfull Truth".

I mean it is what it is, right? Sooner or later, all of us end up there whether we like it or not. Don't forget "acceptance". It's okay to ease on up to a higher power and hang around a while and it's really okay "not" to tell anybody you're doing it. Spirtual things are personal things. I just can't help telling everybody the fun I'm having doing it.

Will publish the good, the bad or the ugly tomorrow as soon as I can.

Keep smilin' as there are only a few more days till Brad Pitt starts taking his scalps. I already have some of mine from #4.

Thanks for the great comments on the blog. Senior.

More Big Brother Stuff

Am thrilled to announce that I have experienced my first 8 hour and 5 minute long sleep period since Father's Day. I'll admit that it was not without the ususal interruption to make a pit stop during the early morning hours, but the important thing to note surrounds the log book that says I slept 8 hours and 5 minutes total instead of 4.5, 5.0 or 6.0. Feelin good!

Moving on and returning to the focus of answering questions from the blog, let me say this.

Comments regarding the various posts have led to all kinds of questions regarding attitude, focus, perspective and a new word we've been using called "stick-to-a-tiveness". That word is sometimes in conflict with "hard headed" but when you HAVE to do things a certain way because it works for you, then you need to be able to communicate the validity of your decision to others even if they think you're nuts.

Whenever you are working your way through stuff and you aren't exactly up to your normal speed, you must adapt to the circumstances that constitute your reality, even if it doesn't meet the normally excepted rules or expectations of those around you.

With regard to that, I go to my bag of tricks that we've described as stuff that comes from "Big Brother Leland". Whether it's the following quote or advice about the "premeditated nap, I've quoted some of his stuff throughout these posts.

I don't know if you'll like it but let me say if you "adopt it" there's no doubt that you will be well served. Leland calls it "acceptance" and here it is.

"ACCEPTANCE"

"Acceptance is NOT approval, consent, permission, authorization, sanction, concurrence, support, ratification, assitance, advocating, backing, maintaining, authenticating, reinforcing, cultivating, encouraging, furthering, promoting, aiding, abetting or even LIKING what it is."

"Acceptance is saying..........it is what it is......and..........what is...........is what is.

Philosophers from Gertrude Stein ( a rose is a rose is a rose) to Popeye ( I yam what I yam) have understood acceptance.

"When reality confronts our notion of what reality should be, reality always wins."

Drop something while believing gravity shouldn't make it fall.........it always falls anyway. "We don't like this so we struggle with reality and become upset or turn away from it and become unconscious".

At any rate, I've used the phrase "reality" a whole bunch as it relates to some of the weird methods I have to use to accomplish goals under my current state. When that reality become a conflict with conventional thought process, I just go to "acceptance".

Hope you enjoyed it. Phil call me again, I screwed up the number.

Saturday

Great day today.

Slept a straight 6 hours last night thanks to the adjustment in meds. Tim and Kristin came this morning. Kristin cooked a feast of butter stirred scrambled eggs, Owens sausage, buttered toast, ice cold milk and hot coffee. Was so good.

Jr and I had to go to the bank today to make a deposit and, being bound to the hospital 5 days per week as I have been for the past 7 weeks, I enjoy it alot especially when you're putting something in and not taking something out. Fixin' to buy a new ride, I think.

Finished all of that by noon just in time for a 6 hour visit from Stanley Heinsohn. Phil Candillora called in the midst of all that and I just couldn't talk at the time. Hated it as Phil and I go back forever. I'll catch him torrow cause I captured his number on the cell.

Tim Jr and Kristin came in about 4 and got to spend a couple of hours with Stanley before he left. Was really fun. We ended up going to Monjuni's and eating spagetti. Was a benchmark day for me in that I actually got to go to a bank and a restruant. Doesn't sound like much but it's huge from my perspective.

All in all I had 9 hours and 40 minutes of solid company today and it was nice to not be here by myself without any wheels just sitting here waiting. No chemo, no radiation today. With the extra sleep I've been adding, I'm feeling better and better every single day.

Will catch you guys tomorrow. Gotta fly.

Senior

Do these things for yourself or your family.

Goood mornin' everybody,

Before I pass on a couple of little things about this week and some other points to help you or your family members that may be going through stuff like this, I have two things that I really need to do.

First, I need to reassure you that there are things that are completely and totally within "your control" when you are beginning to deal with the process of fighting cancer or at least the grade 4 stuff that I'm killing every week.

Second, I have a short list of thank you notes to add and then I'll get on with it.

Tom, do not fear. I gave your sister some questions for you. While you're at it, tell Gilbert he's still my favorite World War II PBY pilot of all time and was a positive influence with me as a kid who wanted, and did become, a pilot for our military.

Tobi, thanks for the link about medical marijuana. As they say: "This ain't California" and it's not done here or maybe it's not needed here. Besides that, Tim Jr acquired a script for "Temazepam" for me that has helped knock the edge off the steroid kick.

It's not quite as strong as I hoped it would be but it's enough for now. It's greatly improved the 3 to 4 hour sleeping periods I've had over the past two weeks. Last night I made it from 11 pm to 5 a.m and slept like a baby. Any way you look at that, it's a gain of 40 to 50 percent. Much, much better and any gain at all under these circumstances is a huge gain.

Fighter Pilots, thanks for the continued support. You guys are the best. "Left Seat", Doug, ACR, Jumpin' Joe Height, Super Scout, Eddie, Fireball Aviation, ARP's, Chuck 30, Curt, thanks for the photos and the well wishes. Et al, as the saying goes for everybody I can't list here.

Prairie, can't find the words to tell you except to say without you and your support, I would have probably done something stupid like refuse the treatment and head south to an early death. Yeah, you helped save my life................period and yes, I talked to my oncologist about refusing the treatments and simply going to Tommy and Lanell's till I got set up again. You have made it happen for me and in that sense, helped save my life. Vic, you too! Thanks doesn't quite do it but I'll figure out how to express it soon.

Now, as it relates to the simple things that I (you) can control, let me tell you what I did and, because of drug induced moments of "DUH", how I managed to do it.

I took out a Big Chief Pad and a pencil and wrote down a long list of stuff that bothered me. It ranged from "the unknowns from fear" all the way to those small things that I was hearing and experiencing from my own situation. Here's how I knocked them out.

I divided each problem into a separate category and put it in a really big circle on the page. They ended up representing two groups of things that eventually became "controllable on my end" or "modifiable at the hospital".

I then, inside the circle, drew a smaller circle around each little problem. I ended up with a huge ballon looking thing with lots of little marble sized "problem circles" inside the balloon. It was like a big circle with 40 little circles inside the big circle.

I couldn't do anything at all about the chemo thing but I did find out that there are different dosages and different methods to use in the process of becoming "fully saturated" with chemo.

I don't know if you can have your situation modified to get off the "chemo bag" and into the "chemo script" but I do know for a fact that if you are on the "chemo script" and you are having trouble with the nausea part of it, the Chief of Staff can work wonders by adjusting your nausea meds and effectively, put rib eye steak back on your menu instead of "soft foods only".

That is a huge key to recovery because I do not have to deal with being "sick" while I'm dealing with my new job of bein' in the tumor killin' bidness. That allowed me to eliminate one of the marble sized problems inside the big ballon full of problems.

Aside from chemo and with specific regard to radiation, I just hope you or yours might have the same kind of crew I have at the VA hospital. I'd take them to any battle field anywhere. It's painless, thorough, comfortable while it's being done and it has never given me even the slightest bit of discomfort at all.

They have a bad boy down there named Waylon who sets everything up for the comfort level and two good looking blondes who effectively aim the shots and calibrate the machine to insure that every shot they take hits within 1 mm of accuracy.

You simply do not have to worry about the radiation thing and in addition to that, you don't have to worrry if they are frying your brain or any area that they should not be hitting. They have checks and balances to calibrate the machine and a validation process that the shot groups are hitting within 1 mm of the target can be easily verified. Don't sweat the radiation. That allowed me to knock out that marble size "fear" entry inside the big balloon. That was a really comfortable and rewarding "scratch off" inside the balloon. It takes a wee bit of different thought process to accept that somebody is "zeroing" their gun on your right temporal lobe, but once you realize that they're just hitting the bull's eye, it'll be okay.

Last but not least relates to a speedy recovery vs. a long drawn out and somewhat miserable "condition" during recovery. Oddly enough, that's been the easiest thing to accomplish.

Big brother had a saying that I'll pass along to you now with the adder that I think you should "adopt it" without fail. He said, relative to comfort, that there are 3 things that are important when you reach a certain age. They are:

"Loose fittin slippers, a warm place to squat and a nice *** ***** unmentionable here".

I achieved that right off the bat when I changed my appointment time from 7:30 a.m. everyday to 1:30 p.m. That, more than anything else, allowed me to get ready at my speed and comfort level and it also took a burden off Tim Jr, Kristin, Joey and Steve to get up at oh dark thirty in the morning to get me to the hospital at that time of the morning (cause I still can't drive).

Do it. Ask the doc. They're just as excited to see you happy as you are. That's when I crossed off that marble sized problem that surrounded "strain".

The first part of accomplishing that may sound a little confusing but if you simply direct a thought like that toward organizing your own comfort level, let me say that you MUST do that or you'll constantly be uncomfortable and have hell getting the sleep and the rest that is paramount to recovery.

Do whatever you have to do even if it means getting a bigger tv, a new pillow, a different diet, a change in schedule, an alternative drug, new pajamas, different slippers, an electric razor instead of blades that, with a cut, will cause you to "bleed out". Get a different diet of special foods that are "soft" like cereal, bananas, apples and other soft things like oatmeal.

I'm sure I'm forgetting some things that may apply to you and your specific circumstances and I'm also reasonably sure that you may have no choices like I do such as a script for chemo vs. the "bag". In any event, ask!

I'd rather have a longer recovery period and be in good spirits and physically comfortable through the whole process than have a short term recovery and be sick and puking my insides out every, single day. Ain't happenin' here.

In any event, DO NOT think that you don't get a vote in all that. Just make the list of stuff that pisses you off and take the steps to remove that part of it. I promise you that you'll wake up one day and see that big ass balloon with 90 percent of the problems scratched off. It works!

Jr and Kristin on the way for "the week end off breakfast bash" so I gotta fly. Thanks for your continue comments and let me say that I'm really glad you guys have linked on the Lance Armstrong link and other cancer links and have discovered the alternatives that you didn't know about before Melissa, Joey, Tim Jr and Kristin put this blog together.

Roll in hot boys! Stone em with the chemo and "lite em up" with that radiation. Tumor killin' bidness is good!

Love you guys,

Uncle Tim
Senior
Fireball 28
White 8
Thunderhorse
Right Seat.

Chalking Up Week 2 Stats

Hello good people. All is well in the Butler camp. Obtained some quality "chill-out" meds for the Padre to combat the night time side effects of the steroid. The Doc kept the scrip pretty mild so Poppa T is not all foggy brained and doped up. Just helps take the edge off the 'roids so dad can get a good nights rest and recoup for the ensuing day's battle. He is in high spirits and tackling this thing head on. It is actually pretty impressive to see, I think we could all take a page out of Big T's book on perspective. I have added a link to the LiveStrong.org website created by Lance Armstrong. There is a wealth of good info on that site and his is a pretty incouraging tale. I would like to place an emphasis on positive attitudes and emotional fortitude and how important that is for combatting this whole mess. I can't imagine any in this group breaking down and crying during a flat-tire episode, you simply get the jack, the spare and start cranking. Pop has his jack and spare in hand, we all need to start "cranking" together. Positve stories, motorcycles, stone yards, RVs, LSU football, old memories, helicopters and the like. Keep it positive. It is contagious and negativeism will be stamped out in the fashion of Brad Pitt's new movie "Inglorious Bastards".... because "we are in the tumor killin bid'ness and bid'ness is good!------ Much Love, Jr.

screaming on the blog

i found out tonight that, in internet parlay, writing in all caps means that you are "screaming".

I told Joey that this wasn't true and in fact that writing in all caps was a function of being on 9 different prescription drugs that makes you more or less null and void as well as legally drunk or at least technically stoned and almost blindly so during certain parts of the day.

I can't spell the new prescription that I've been given today to fight this Sulfamonster or the sleep patterns but I can tell you that after 41 minutes of it being in my system, i am a wee bit blurry and headed for the couch. More tomorrow.

senior

DEFEATING FRUSTRATION

THEY'VE BEEN WARNING ME ABOUT THIS EMOTIONAL THING FROM THE GET GO BUT I HAVEN'T REALLY HAD IT KICK ME AROUND AS MUCH AS IT HAS IN THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS.

PART OF IT HAS TO DO WITH THAT 960 MILLIGRAM HIT OF SULFAMETHOXAZOLE THAT I CALL THE SULFA MONSTER. WHEN IT COMES TO VISIT, YOU HAVE TO HOLD ON CAUSE IT WILL BE THE PROMINENT FACTOR IN YOUR CONDITION.

SECOND THING COVERS FRUSTRATION.

TRY TO VIEW YOURSELF IN THE POSITION OF THE QUARTER BACK WHO HAS JUST RECIEVED THE BALL, DROPPED BACK AND LET LOOSE WITH A ROCKET SHOT TOWARD THE GOAL LINE AND, BEFORE YOU SEE IF THE GUY CAUGHT IT, SOME 270 POUND BRICK HEADED LINEMAN KNOCKS YOU OUT AND YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU JUST WON THE GAME OR GONE FROM HERO TO ZERO.

THAT'S KINDA WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THE DAY OF THE WRECK. I WORKED MY FINGERS TO THE BONE OVER A 9 MONTH PERIOD OF TIME, TOTALLY FOCUSED ON A PROJECT THAT IS THE KIND THAT I REALLY, REALLY LIKE, AND DID IT WITH A COMPANY THAT I REALLY, REALLY LIKE.

WHEN YOU DO THAT AND EXPERIENCE A WRECK THAT HAPPENS RIGHT AS THE KEY PLAY OF THE GAME STARTS, IT KINDA DRIVES YOU NUTS.

I'VE BEEN ASSURED AND REASSURED THAT THINGS ARE ROCKIN' AND ROLLIN' AT WORK BUT I'VE BEEN FRUSTRATED TO NO END THAT I CAN'T BE THERE TO WATCH ALL THE GUYS COMIN IN AND OUT AND DOIN THE THING THAT MAKES ALL OF US REALLY DIG THE WORK AND ENJOY THE SUCCESSES FROM THE FIELD INSTEAD OF THE HOSPITAL ROOM. DAMN, I MISS IT.

NOW, DESPITE ALL THIS STUFF, I'VE RECEIVED A REALLY GOOD REPORT FROM RADIATION TODAY. BLOOD PLATLETS, PROBABLY MESSED THE SPELLING UP ON THAT ONE (PLATE-UH-LATES) ARE REALLY, REALLY GOOD. SO IS BLOOD PRESSURE AND A NUMBER OF OTHER THINGS INCLUDING PERMISSION TO ADD ONE OTHER DRUG TO DEAL WITH THIS 3 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING THING THAT I'M DOING.

LAST THING HAS TO DO WITH NEGATIVITY. IF ANYBODY HAS ANYTHING TO SAY OF A NEGATIVE NATURE, TELL EM TO EITHER MOVE ON TO SOMETHING ELSE AND NOT INTERFERE WITH YOUR FOCUS ON POSTIVE THINKING OR, DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THAT KIND OF CONVERSATION. DO THAT, AND YOU'LL BE FINE.

END RESULT IS THIS, TODAY'S HOSPITAL TREATMENT AND CONSULT AFTER TREATMENT........................"ROCKED"

KEEP SMILIN'...................SENIOR

Wednesday morning

Seem to have my days and nights crossed up a bit. Instead of going to bed at 3 or 4, I'm getting up at 3:30. Crazy steroids.

Monday they recalibrated the radiology department. Tuesday they had a chart meeting and recalibrated my head position in the machine by taking xrays and double checking the postion of the "marks" they use on my "face mask" to take their shots from. Very thorough.

Jr and Joey spent some time on the motorhome yesterday doing odds and ends like cleaning an electrical junction box, working on a roof vent, checking out the roof air conditioner amp draws and making a list of repairs that need to be addressed.

Tim jr took the dish and receiver to his house and now have satellite service there. I know that he and Kristin were glad of that.

I was so glad to get all my personal stuff out of it as I've been like a gypsy since Father's Day when the wreck took place. As odd as it sounds, a motorhome can be like a security blanket if you've had it long enough. I think I've had mine fifteen years or so and I sure do like it.

Will finish with week number 2 (of 6 weeks total for chemo and radiation) day after tomorrow, and that puts me one month to go on this package. Am handling the chemo with no nausea at all but will admit to having some small discomfort with the stomach from time to time.

My old jeep driver from Vietnam sent me an email. He's been on the Agent Orange thing for ever. For all you other pilots checking this site for information regarding Agent Orange etc, know that Ronnie spent some time in Vung Tau after the 199th stood down from Long Bien. FYI there is probably a data base out there somewhere for you to search regarding incident rates and location but I don't know where they are as there are no questions at this time regarding my situation. Hell, I have pictures!

Thanks for all the comments. Time to try and hit the rack again. Have enjoyed hearing from so many. It's 3:51 a.m. and I'm going back to bed.

Senior.

Good news.

Last night I hit the rack at 11:05 pm. Don't know how I managed to overpower or escape the speed like feeling from the steroids that generally keep me up till 3 or 4 in the morning but I did. The only change I experienced yesterday came from the fact that I had been off the chemo and radiation during the week end and Tim jr, Kristin and Joey fixed a huge meal, much larger than normal. I packed my stomach as full as I could.

Yesterday, Tim and Joey brought my motorhome to Shreveport for some work. More important to my mission is the fact that I now have my own clothes, shoes, belts personal effects etc. You'd be surprised how pissed off you can get from not being comfortable. When you are on steroids, the smallest things can sometimes really piss you off.f

This morning at around 7:30 or so, Tim Jr called me to warn me of the coming rain and the need to close the vents on the roof in the motorhome. I told Joey and he went outside to close the windows and cover up everything that needed to be covered up. No problems and no water damage. Felt good about that too.

I'm really beginning to feel the ebb and flow of all this stuff and having a much greater sense of accomplishment as it relates to the "myth" that everybody who takes chemo and radiation is gonna be sick as a dog during the entire six week long process. In my case, it simply isn't true. Don't want you guys and gals to be thinking that I'm puking all day long and staggering around the hospital and Joey's house with a walker. Ain't so!

At any rate, just wanted to tell everybody that the process is working and better than that, it's working without any pain of any kind. My knock out headaches are gone, my immediate support group of Tim, Kristin and Joey look over me like a guard dog, my secondary support group (Steve) told me to call him anytime and he would come runnin' my way.

My customers are still calling and I'm still able to be engaged in things like material specifications and "trucking" to the job site. Had a call Saturday to tell me that they couldn't haul stone to the job site on Sunday. Just a little thing but something that I appreciated as it still makes me a player that's putting some influence into the game.

Chemo in 3 minutes, gotta fly. Thanks for checking and Joel, thanks for the email.

Tim Sr.
Uncle Tim
Blue 28
White 8

Griswald Nation!

Whew! Joey and I have returned from Leesville with one SuperChieftan Nomad highway ramblin road warrior land yacht with enough ammenities to make Eddie Griswald blush. We ought to have that thing spruced up and ready for Poppa to enjoy as soon as he is ready. I've got more pictures in the pipeline for ya'll. If any of you have any photos of the ol' man, send 'em to me in an email and I will add them to a slide show that I am creating of all things Butler. All is welcome be it work, scooter, military, family or fun all pics are appreciated.
While we're on the subject of appreciation. Mr. Yo-sef Scarpinato is up for the humanitarian of the year award. If it wasn't for Joey and all of his help, it is highly likely that I would already be locked up for hommicide and arsen by now. Instead, he and my wife collaborate in the kitchen and with a little "refreshment" from my mom's Wine Store, our bellies are full and our minds are right.
Poppa T is doin good. A little jacked up from the roids' but not much else for negative side affects. All is well in the Port City. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

Tim Jr.- Out

I can tell the difference.

Back on chemo and radiation and I can sure tell the difference. I'm using that realization to acknowledge that the battle is on again and that it's time to get my head back in the game after a week end off the battle field.

I took my right hand and cupped it to my right ear. I took my left hand and put it in front of my mouth while cupping in a manner to connect it with my right hand so I could whisper in my own ear and talk to the enemy a little bit.

I said:

" Hey punk, you in there? It's me again and Im down here to "nuke your ass" a little bit today. By the way, you know why my brain isn't swollen any more? It's because I been feeding you acid with my chemo that's eatin you alive and then, just for good measure, I'm nukin' your cell structure with a real nice shot group from the sniper scope they're using on that radiation machine that's burnin' your ass every day. Like it? You ready? Who's your Daddy".

Some folks might look at me or at least hear what I'm whispering to myself and suggest I be transferred to the psych ward, but since I really, really know that this is exactly what's happening, I kinda like tellin them in advance of their destruction and that I'm back to deliver a little bit of payback for takin me away from my people for so long and causing me and my people so much pain. I especially like that part where I get to talk dirty to them about how I'm gonna rip their cell structure this way, and cut them in half that way. Sometimes I even tell em where I'm gonna hit em. Yeah, it's below the belt.

Okay, I'll admit that I'm stoned on all the drugs they give me but it doesn't matter because I'm not fighting the nausea and everything I'm taking on a daily basis is doing exactly as they said it would and it's working. I may be beat up but for the most part, intellectually, I can formulate plans to play the mind games that have to exist to maintain a positive mental attitude and, from there, I can torture their asses as often as I want to. I am talkin' dirty to em and they haven't been able to shut me up so far.

Will fill you guys in on other stuff when tomorrow comes.

Kickin' that butt!!!! TB Senior

TIm Jr posted pictures

Jr added a picture or two on this site that reflects family stuff and military stuff. The one on the ship is of him (holding the rope right side of the picture) when he was on deployment in the Persian Gulf.

The one above that is me on the left hand side of the picture. Oddly enough, it was taken on the Cambodian Border during the initial stages of the invasion sometime around December of 70 to March of 71.

As a coincidence you may notice how "clean" the area is that we were standing in. That's because it was "cleaned" by Agent Orange before we got there. Exposed to Agent Orange? Whattya think!

Already had chemo today and before my butt falls off, I figured I'd make a comment before I'm off to radiation.

I had a visit with Joey and Tim Jr this morning about going back to work. I guess I've been pretty monotonous about that and I'm sure the drugs haven't helped much. I love the company, the owners, the guys I work with and have had a great time there since the day I moved to Leesville. It's just really hard to be taken away from so many friends and so much fun in what appeared to me to be a "microsecond". I miss em all.

In any event as we were discussing the treatment time remaining which is 4 weeks and 4 days today, Tim jr made a statement to me that I wanted to share with you now.

He said:

"Poppa, I understand where your head is about going back to work but you have to really focus on your priorities. I want you to accept that your new job description is RECOVERY".

I think I'm gonna quit harping on Prairie, Jay, Woody, Hubert, Richard, Byron, Tommy, Jason, Russell, Glenn, Jenny, Ed, Elton, Jim Tuck and crew, and a lot of other friends that I miss so much. I'm gonna re-engage my head and focus on getting well first and try not to wake up every day asking when can I go back to work.

As a last note, the old picture is of me in my momma's lap, my dad with Leland, my older brother that's so smart, and my sisters Elaine and Linda (rip). Elaine is the older and Linda is the younger. That was probably taken somewhere around 1951 as I was hatched in 48.

Enjoy the day. Will let ya'll know how all the stuff goes in a bit. Hope you are enjoying the updates and have actually been able to link up with some of the stuff Tim Jr has put on this site. 11th Cav is a good site to go to.

Chemo done. Radiation scheduled, motorhome coming sometime today.

See ya!

Tim Sr.

Monday morning

It's 3:55 Monday morning and I'm having a little trouble sleeping again. Will get with the fat cat at the hospital today when I go in for my daily radiation thing and see if I can get some help with all that.

The week end off from chemo was especially nice as I didn't have any kind of stomach issues at all. Allowed me to eat everything from home made blueberry muffins all the way to ribeyes. Thanks for those, Hark!

I still have to take the steroids 24/7 for the brain swelling and they speed me up like nobody's business but even a small bit of relief from all that might be accomplished through some kind of prescription for sleeping. Just don't want to be knocked out all the time.

I think today is the day that Tim Jr and Joey are going to get my clothes and my motorhome from Leesville. Man, I hope so, I'm tired of not having my stuff and especially tired of wearing pajamas all the time or alot of the time. Nothing like having your own space and since I have another 5 weeks of this stuff, I'd really like to have a little spot I could hang my hat while every body else's life progresses at their own rate without me being in the middle of it.

One last thing, received my first real bill from the VA in Saturday's mail. Other than the $1.85 bill for whatever it was, this is the first one I've received for "treatment".

Don't mean to even remotely imply that I am not thrilled with the treatment I've been given in Houston and Shreveport but My God, I sure paid the premiums for all this in Vietnam and Cambodia.

Tired but hangin' tough. Will add something a little later in the day if appropriate.

Great Saturday

Spent all day yesterday with Tim Jr. Was great. We even managed to pull off an old style back yard cook out complete with ribeye. Followed all that with Vanilla ice cream.

Big brother called yesteday to inform us that he'd been in a car wreck, too. Appears that he may have totalled his truck as a result of some guy "thinking" he was turning left instead of going straight. No injuries and the air bags didn't even deploy as it was a hit from the side. The other guy was insured, too. Been a bit shakey for the Butler family since Father's Day but, if you have to get a call like that at a time like this, it's always cool to have that kind of call start off with "everything is cool".

Two day break on chemo and radiation can't even be described. With the single exception of fatigue that I am correcting through the nap deal I described earlier, I actually feel like a million bucks.

Since they won't even let me talk about going back to work this month, I've been writing my memoirs of the combat missions I flew in Vietnam and Cambodia in 70 and 71.

Buddies with the Red River Valley Fighter Pilot's Association have asked for more as some of the fighter pilots, bomber pilots and Forward Air Controllers actually lived on the same base with us but didn't really know the whole story. IT's all part of communicating with the support group and doing postive things in the midst of all the chemo radiation things. It is a good thing and reinforces the ability that any of us have to focus on positive things.

Slept unti almost 8 this morning which, for me, is very unusual. Going to breakfast right now and planning on regaining a shot of strength by napping, reading, writing more war stories and just enjoying the abscense of all the day to day demands that don't follow me over the week ends.

To be honest with you, the only problem I'm having is fighting the speed from the steroids. Jr says I'm going to be forced to deal with that with a prescription of some sort. He was a little concerned about my 3 to 4 hour per day sleep periods as not being enough. Got caught in the front yard at 3 a.m. one morning and when he asked me about it, I told him "I wanted to go jogging". .

Oh well, what a nice problem to have, huh!

If today is as good as yesterday was, I should be hitting 230 pounds by Monday's weigh in at the hospital. Score right now is brain cancer 1, Tim Sr. 6............hehehe

You ain't gonna beliieve this!

This morning started off like a miracle for me.

I did a "modified" premediated nap thing (couch and shoes on) not too long after radiation yesterday and followed all of that with a different supper made by Tim Jr. I've been eating really soft stuff just in case my system couldn't handle the chemo. Unlike the norm, Jr loaded me up on some good, solid stuff and I could really tell the difference.

This morning, for the first time since Father's Day, I got up, made a cup of coffee and drank two cups on the back porch. I haven't been able to drink coffee since Father's Day. My stomach couldn't take it. Feels...........shall I say "normal".

The really good part about Saturday and Sunday surrounds "no" going to the hospital. That includes "no" chemo for two solid days.

Last night Ben, Tim Jr's buddy from high school, Tanya, Kristin's cousin and Ben's wife, came for a visit. That was cool too cause I've known Ben since he was in the tenth grade. Nice to have that support group of familiar, smilin' faces of people you really like alot.

Kristin is still running around like the "XO" taking care of the business end of getting settled into a new place. Girl has a note book attached to her hip and she doesn't miss anything. IT's a bit pressure filled for them too but they're taking the steps to deliver an end result that will allow me to have a great degree of confidence about my day to day hospital thing which now appears to be cast in stone for another five weeks. Never thought I'd ever have a daily hospital thing that would run this long. It' s already been somewhere around 50 days. Wow!

Can not wait until Joey and Tim Jr go get my motorhome. I really am glad to see them get engaged with the project of fixing things that will provide me with all my clothes, my own television, my own space and, at the same time, a tune up on my generator which will be just in time to provide alternative power should a storm knock out the power.

I'll have a really nice bedroom at Tim and Kristin's place and will probably move from Joey's next week. I'm glad I put Joey up in my condo years ago as payback is sometimes a really good thing.

Whenever I used to come to Shreveport, I pretty much came to see Joey anyway. I've always felt really comfortable here but no matter how you look at it, anytime you have someone in your own "space" it can eventually become crowded. The motorhome and the bedroom at Tim and Kristin's house will really be a God send for all of us. It's always nice to be able to have your own privacy.

I guess that's about it for today. I just wanted everybody who has been asking about the progress and the concerns about dealing with the chemo that my Oncologist's orders and the dosages he's prescribed are working like a sewing machine. I may fall off the end of the earth as the chemo becomes spread out over the next few weeks and the chemical effects change, but right now, I'm one happy camper as it relates to "not" having any experiences that we "thought" we would have with the chemo/radiation thing. Not all people are the same and apparently, I'm not one of those who have a tough time with it right off the bat. Yipee!

Despite what the posting time says on this thing, it's 8:56 a.m. right now and I'm going to go take a hot shower and a nice shave. Hope everybody has as good a day as I'm having.

Senior,
Kickin' that gbm 4 butt all day long.

FIrst Week Success

I'm completely through with the first week of chemo and radiation. I'm not in the least nauseaous and my new sleep scenario is allowing me to defeat the fatigue that comes with all of this.

Tim Jr and Kristen are on top of my dietary needs as that is really a critical element in preparing the stomach for the attacks it's taking from all the drugs. Even had an ole buddy from high school take me to the store last night to get milk, cereal and a bunch of banannas. Surrounded by caretakers which are especially appreciated because I can't drive right now.

Radiation department at the VA continues to surprise me almost on a daily basis. Having another tee shirt made that says: "VA Radiation Department ROCKS". Chemo therapy bunch is the same way. They are totally on target and everything they've told me to do, when done, insures that I hit the day in the best shape possible. I'm lucky.

The Malignant Cancer Patient Waiting Room is a real, real wierd place to be. Don't want to be judgemental but along the way some just lose their attitude. If I ever get to that point, I'll just tell them to mix up some kind of a beladonna cocktail or something and keep my in outer space. As I see it, attitude is everything.

Still thinking about going to see Inglorious Bastards on the 21st with Jay. Just want to use that as a training film as I am viewing the radiation department as the battlefield where I intend to scalp and murder this gbm 4 stuff. Nothin like going into combat with a real plan.

Keep smilin', I'm winning.

Senior.

MY BIG BROTHER IS A GENIUS

WELL, WITH SOME HELP FROM MY BIG BROTHER, I'VE FIGURED OUT ANOTHER PIECE OF THE PUZZLE. IT'S KEY TO DEALING WITH THE FATIGUE THAT KNOCKS YOU OUT AND THE STEROIDS THAT FIRE YOU UP.

HE CALLS IT "THE PREMEDITATED NAP".

THERE'S ONE HELL OF A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COMING IN FROM THE HOSPITAL AFTER RADIATION AND LAYING DOWN ON THE COUCH TO FIGHT THE FATIGUE AND USING HIS METHOD OF THE "PREMEDITATED NAP".

YOU HAVE TO TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF TO ACCOMPLISH THE PREMEDIATATE NAP AND YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET IN THE BED. AS A PART OF THE "BED" THING, HE SAYS YOU ARE REQUIRED TO GET BETWEEN THE SHEET. OH, YEAH! PANTS OFF, TOO. THERE'S NO CHEATING ON THAT ONE. IT'S IMPORTANT.

I'LL CONFESS A WEE BIT OF HYPERACTIVITY IN MY NATURALISM BUT ADDING THE STEROIDS HAVE PUT ME OVER THE EDGE. AT ONE POINT I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE COOL TO ADD STEROIDS TO THE DAILY DIET OF THOSE WHO LOVE THEIR JOBS AS IT WOULD ALLOW YOU TO STAY ALL DAY LONG AND THEN SOME WITHOUT GETTING TIRED. I SEE WHY SOME OF THESE ATHLETES DO THIS STEROID DEAL. IT'S LIKE THAT BATTERY THAT KEEPS ON BEATING THAT DRUM.

AT SOME POINT I'LL CRASH SO I'M BEGINNING TO BE PRETTY CAREFUL ABOUT FIGHTING THESE 2 AND 3 A.M. GO TO BED TIMES. IN ANY EVENT, I HAD A GOOD 4 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT AND IF I HAD ACCOMPLISHED MY PREMEDITATED NAP I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE ENDED UP WITH SIX OR SEVEN TOTAL HOURS OF SLEEP. I'LL WORK ON THAT TODAY AS I'M GOING TO CHEMO IN NINETY MINUTES AND RADIATION AT 1:30 P.M. AND THE PROCESS BEGINS AGAIN. I'LL LET YA'LL KNOW.

STILL KICKIN'...........................THANKS FOR CHECKIN'.

SENIOR