Feelin good for the 2nd day in a row.

Weather is good, sun is out, temperature is just right and I'm feeling good for the 2nd day in a row. This withdrawl thing is aggrevating in that you never know when you're going to grab that commode but the commode grabbing isn't nearly as bad as when you're on chemo. That's a good thing.

As I get closer to my last double dose of chemo, I'm spending lots of time making plans for a return to a somewhat normal life. Everybody has a moment in life where a change occurs and nothing is ever the same as it was. Whether it's a car wreck, divorce, the death of a parent or child, everybody has that moment.

I know that I won't be able to play on trains, bulldozers or front end loaders anymore but the brain surgery has not effected my capacity to think, to project, to calculate and to plan the things that I always wanted to do at work.

Guess I'm beginning to transfer that physical hyperactivity to mental hyperactivity. That's sort of a good thing because I'm finding myself thinking about cost cutting things that we can do at work. Oh well, I'll be off the chemo soon and hopefully be able to go see Jay, Woody and Hubert to share my thoughts with them to see if I can continue with the trip to do those kinds of things.
I'm real fortunate to work for the guys that I work for in that they are as anxious to hear those thoughts as I am to say them.

Guess I want to say that cancer, brain surgery and months of chemo and radiation do not necessarily mean the end of the line for everybody. I'm feeling better about work than I have in a long time. My body is weak but my spirits are good. I'll start exercising and regaining the muscle tone that I've lost by being in bed and on the couch for so long. Just need to get a little aerobic exercises going and make it happen.

Thanks again to everybody who has followed the blog and been so supportive. It's been a key ingredient to improvement.

Sr.

Feeling much better today.

Glad to be at the end of the withdrawl period. Yesterday sucked pretty much but today is much better. Got up at 6:30 and had some raisin bran and bananas. I even went totally off the scale and chased that with a cup of coffee. Gettin' crazy over here with maneuvers like that.

Tim Jr is handling paper work even though he's working full time with the Navy and taking 9 hours at LSU at night. I hope I can get my paper work lined out by the end of my next chemo period which begins on the 2nd. I'll be sick as a dog during that time but it's only for a short period of time and it doesn't last all day. It's generally just long enough to hug the commode for a few minutes before I go back to bed. After that, I'm still more or less down for the count but at least I'm not huggin that commode.

Feelin' better. Attitude and killer instinct is back.

Sr.

Somebody needs to explain to me.............

I wish I knew the logic behind "being on chemo and being sick" and "being off of chemo and being sick".

I've heard the "off period" being described as "withdrawl". To me, withdrawl is something that comes when you want something like heroin, alcohol or whatever drug you're hooked on, and you can't get it. In my case, the last thing in the world I want is another hit of Temzolomide.

Day one of chemo sometimes brings about commode hugging. Five straight days of chemo does not mean five straight days of doing "the barforama maneuver".

Sometimes it may mean 3 days but generally speaking, it doesn't mean five days in a row of barfola.

After the five days, you have 25 days off. I'm somewhere around the 20th day off today and was so sick this morning, I had difficulty even walking to the bathroom. Damned if I can figure it out!

In any event, sometimes it's really tough to make it through a single day. I've exhausted my insurance benefits and I now have roughly $40,000 worth of liablities. That may not seem like much but after already spending $40,000, it's a pretty steep hill to climb.

I need to go back to work, sell a killer sized stone job and make enough commission to overcome this mess. You have to remember, I've been in the bed or on the couch since June 21st of 09. That's along time for a hyper active road warrior like me. I just want to get rollin again and stop all this stomach business.

I like my job alot cause it has everything in it that a speed freak needs. Trains, rail cars, dump trucks, helicopters, tanks, one Army Base, several asphalt plants, a rock quarry, a sand and gravel plant and huge front end loaders. They're so much fun even Tonka makes em'.

I'm not bitchin or complainin'. I'm just tellin' it like it is and hope that this note might inspire some of you to "up" your insurance coverages to a much higher level than they are now.

Just the brain surgery, intensive care, hospital room, chemo and radiation fee was over $300,000.00. My veteran coverages took care of all that except for the hospital bill in Leesville when I was unconcious and in the process of being transferred to the VA.

I spent 3 to 4 hours there and it cost $17,000.00. The ambulance ride was $4,800.00. Check your insurance coverage, check it today! You'll be glad you did.

Still hangin' tough as I know how to hang. Still fightin' as hard as I know how to fight.

Thanks to Charlie, Curt, Bernie, Mo, Bill, Doug and my buddies from the 11th Cav and the 199th Light Infantry Brigade. Also, thanks to big brother, his buddies in the prayer group, Phil, John and Sue, Joey, Marfa Soo and all the gang from school days.

Special thanks to all you girls out there that have been so thoughtful, especially in the food, soup, cake, muffin and pie department. During those times when I can eat, I really enjoyed that.

Sr.

Hospital day, weight loss, stomach

Had a day at the hospital which pretty much took me out of the blog loop.

Waylon and the chickies as well as Doctor J, were pretty shocked by my weight loss. I lost 40 pounds, then gained 7 then lost 4. It's just the result of a loss during chemo that comes from not being able to keep anything down when you start the double dose, then another loss during the withdrawl period followed by a small gain when all the commode hugging is gone.

Kristin has been incredible. She cleans up after me when I get so sick I can't do anything but lay down, then she gets the medication chart, grabs the pills and runs through the 1,2,3 of it all.
The chemo is so bad that there are charts and instructions that warn you that no one should even touch the medicine but me. It also requires a "clean up kit" when you get sick. Jesus, wonder what's in the chemo that requires a warning like that.

Before long, the stomach calms down and I can walk without throwing up. Sounds horrible but it's not as bad as it sounds. Sick for a bit then weak but not throwing up. The five day period is horrible. The 25 day withdrawl period has, from time to time, proven to be worse than the 5 day on period. Doesn't make any sense but that is the reality of it all.

Weight loss just comes with the territory. 231 to 191 is a pretty big step. Doc said I'm losing alot of muscle mass and I need to plan an exercise program for rehab. They don't have a pool at the hospital but recommend swimming when the last phase of chemo is complete.

Joey brought me a pair of hand sized bar bells. I don't know how much they weigh but I can do 20 reps with each arm before it wipes me out. When I get through this last phase and the withdrawl, my stomach should return to some degree of normalcy. When that time frame gets here, I'll start walking everyday and maybe do some swimming. I wouldn't mind staying around 190 to 200 pounds if my muscle condition would firm up a bit.

Hangin in there. Thanks Curt!

Sr.

Lost 40 pounds

Hey Gang,

I'm doing really well on the emotional and intellectual front.

On the physical side of things, I've lost 40 pounds. With that, there's a bit of weakness that is in conflict with my brain. I keep wanting to go visit with my buddies down south but everytime I pack a bag and fill up with gas, it seems that exhaustion and nausea knocks me out.

That's kinda depressing but I treat it as an accomplishment of sorts. At least I can pack a bag and make it to the gas station. Doc told me that I would be lucky if I could tie my shoes much less do anything else. So, from that standpoint, I'm making progress but I'm not able to complete the full mission.

In any event, I had a great superbowl week end. I'm making progress everyday in every category. I just have a little trouble with the chemo. It never tells you when it's going to raise it's ugly head. You can be okay one minute and the next, without any notice, you're puking your guts up.

Fortunately for me, my buddies at work seem to know that you can't get ahead of the game and that you have to wait until the last treatment of chemo is over before you start to engage yourself in anything.

I guess I've had to learn the hard way on this one but thanks to Woody and Jay, they keep telling me to heal first and act second. I'm just homesick and am really tired of sitting here while all the cool stuff is going on at work without me in the driver's seat. Damn, it's frustrating.

Thanks to everybody, especially Curt and Bernie, two guys from my flying days in the Army. By the way, who is Mopheus in Australia?

Sr.

Healing

I've figured out that it takes x amount of time to recouperate from radiation and chemo. Those are two very separate things.

I don't suffer any more fatigue at all from the radiation. I still have the burned spots on my skull but I treat that with a cream that is specifically designed for radiation damaged skin.

Chemo is another animal. I'm approaching the last phase of chemo that requires me to have double dosages for 5 days and then no dosage at all for 25 days. I'm not positive but I think the 5 days of double dosage is massive and thus the 25 day recouperation period ordered by the Doctor.

You have to be very careful during and after chemo. Sometimes you are really, really sick from the first day you take the double dose. Sometimes not.

Sometimes you are really sick during the 25 day withdrawl period.

Despite those things, I feel like I'm getting stronger, even during the post double doseage period. I'm positive that I'm going to return to a somewhat normal life. I'll never be as strong as i was prior to the wreck and the brain surgery. I think the thoughts about strength are more relative to the brain surgery and the changes that I've gone through after the tumor was removed along with a small portion of my right temporal lobe. I'm real lucky that I can tie my shoes much less work this keyboard and do other things.

In any event, I'm not ready to say that it's over but I am viewing the near future in a positive manner.


Sr.

Chemo withdrawl better

I'm handling the withdrawl period of chemo much better this time than last. I hope this is a sign of things to come. Maybe the next one will be even better than this one. I feel like I can actually start to do stuff on a limited basis compared to the sleep, sofa, tv, more sleep maneuver I've been subjected to. Looks like I'm gonna survive the cure that usually kills you. Ooooo Rah!

Sr.

Chemo withdrawl is better this go around

Monday a week ago, I had the hardest day of chemo I ever had. Normally, the withdrawl period is the toughest. Doesn't seem to fit but it's true.

Am going to attempt a lunch meeting with a customer Thursday and hope like hell I can pull that off. Sure miss my buddies at work. Will let ya'll know.

Sr.