My answer to Ragheads "Sectarius Mutinium"

Well, it finally happened. I heard one of those raghead goat lovers holler Allah Akbar one time too many. That's when it hit me. I decided to fight fire with fire and began the search for our own phrase to say to them. I went to Google and typed in "English to Latin Dictionary" and began typing in a number of words.

After a long list of really nasty stuff, I finally selected "Sectarius Mutinium" because it sounded kinda snappy to me and I figured it would look good on a bumper sticker. That wasn't the only reason I chose it. I figured doing it in Latin would piss em off more than doing it in English. I guess it was a Catholic thing more than anything else, because of the Crusades, but in the end, I figured it was the Christian thing to do. Sectarius means "cut guilded" and Mutinium means "penis".

There are many reasons for this but primarily, I used it as a response to their claims that they need to sever the heads of non believers. I don't have a clue why they would want to do that but I figured if we told them we were gonna cut their prods off, they might have second thoughts about doing anything to us. If you think about it logically, how could anybody think that 52 virgins would do them any good if we did the Sectarius maneuver and fed their Mutiniums to the hogs?

I wanted to find a really definitive statement and translate it into Latin but "Hey goat lover, we're gonna cut off your mutiniums" ended up being too long for the bumper sticker.

In the end, as I thought about selling this idea to the Christian population in the good ole USA, I went back in time and did a little study. I began with the Protestants and figured all of that started over a woman so I was sure they would sign on to the bumper sticker program.

The Baptists seemed to be more involved in fighting the devil and since I have so many Baptist kin folk, I figured they would sign on, too. I thought about the Latin phrase for "You've pissed off the McInnis Clan and we're gonna cut your nuts off" but that was too long.

After I went through the Mormans, the Episcopalians and everybody else, it occurred to me that the bumper sticker might be just the thing to bring harmony among the Christians and stop the stuff that divides us all. See there! We all have a common goal and, as Christians, we now have an answer that fits into previous statements like "Go ye into the land and kill every man, woman, child and beast of burden". If the Israelites had done that when they were told to, we probably wouldn't be dealing with the goat lovers now.

I began to think that this was the result of a spiritual vision of some sort because I was really moved when I went to church this week end. I recalled my many years in boarding school and the influences from the Jesuits, the Franciscans and the Benedictines. I was wondering when all those influences were going to kick into high gear, and now I know. Can you imagine what would happen if the entire Christian world would get those bumper stickers?

In any event, there now appears to be more opportunities from being a Christian other than praying like crazy that you're gonna survive the war, divorce, cancer and a lot of other things that we pray to God to help us with. By the year 2020, only six years from now, the world population of Christians is projected to be 2.1 billion. I think that's more than twice as many than the goat lovers.

I'm not saying that the Pope or Billy Graham would support this kind of thought but I do believe that the Christians I know, especially the ones in Louisiana, would sign on in a heartbeat. I say that because some of them already suggested feeding them to the alligators down here.

I tell you what I'm going to do. I'll get in touch with Phil Latier and have his wife make a bumper sticker for me. If any of you want one, let me know and I'll have her make a bunch of them and I'll see to it that y'all get one. CHRISTIANS UNITE. Goat Lovers, don't even go there.