November 4th is actually my birthday but Blame it on Bob was neck deep in this deception and somehow or another, even after I WAS THE ONE that picked the restaurant, it turned out to be a surprise birthday party.
I didn't have a clue, not even the foggiest idea that it was going to unfold the way it did. I saw Joey's truck in the parking lot but that didn't ring a bell because we eat with him as much as possible. He's a crew member on a hot air balloon team and has been gone for a month so I was glad to see he was going to join us.
When Melissa and I were walking in the door I heard the beginning of a Happy Birthday To You rendition coming from the southwest corner of El Compadre's dinning room. That's when I saw the table full of my crew from the Dixie Garden days. The crowd of patrons began to clap and cheer and I responded loudly with "It's NOT my birthday". That didn't work and I figured that everybody knew I had been busted.
Joey was at the head of the table sitting next to Blame it on Bob's wife Lila. She's a certified fox and probably sat there to make sure she wouldn't get hit during the food fight that she thought would come. Wayne and Danita Woodruff, my former next door neighbors were there as was Sue Allender, my neighbor on the other side of the house. I should have smelled a rat when I noticed that her husband John was missing but I didn't.
When Melissa and I sat down, birthday cards starting to surface from everybody and one of them had a naked man running across the front of it with a caption that said: "Remember, what happens on your birthday has a good chance of showing up on face book tomorrow". That's when the Voodoo Doll showed up.
They said that John Allender was the culprit behind that but you have to remember, when you are in the company of Blame it on Bob, the assumption that he's behind everything, is the norm. I didn't know it then but I eventually found out that Melissa was talking to Bob while she and I were riding in the car earlier that day and they were speaking in code. He would ask some question about time and she would answer with "Yes, I have six of them". Code talkin' from my own girl.
As it turned out, Sue told us that John bought it down south somewhere and he was in Lafayette working the horse race track. He's the Equine Vet there.
They began to explain how the Voodoo doll worked but when they mentioned Lafayette, I told them a story about a Voodoo practitioner that used to spray bleach all over the rock crusher when he came to work at the crushing plant I had built there during the 80s. He told us that it insured that the evil spirits would not bother him if that was done on a daily basis.
Sue began to explain that she made the costume that the Voodoo doll was wearing and when she did, she said that the doll was naked when she got it from John. That was all I needed as some of the patrons near us were watching everything that was going on and in a loud voice I said: "This woman plays with naked Voodoo dolls".
She explained that the white pins were for good things and the black pins were for bad things. I pulled out the black pin and shoved it up the Voodoo doll's ass and began chanting Nancy Pelosi, Diane Slimestein and a few other choice individuals that needed a needle in the ass. Lila, Wayne and Danita were laughing but Sue began to have that look on her face that said: "Oh my God, what have we done'.
I decided to move the pin from the back to the front and stuck one in the Voodoo Doll's tits. I kept the girl's name secret but mentioned that I knew her 40 years ago and she deserved a flat boob. Next, when we ran out of chips and salsa, I started waving the Voodoo doll at the waiters. I think they were scared to come over. Most of them were Mexican and therefore Catholic, and they appeared to be a bit hesitant to come to our table. I just decided to Blame it on Bob and I put it away. Bob and I already talked about making a life size one and he advised that they sold them at Fredrick's of Hollywood. I decided to postpone that discussion until later as I have a couple of places picked out where I would love to stick one in the front yard.
In any event, it was an absolute blast that took me completely by surprise. Thanks to all that took part in it.
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Hey Timmy!
ReplyDeleteJoey here, I was glad to see you and everyone else at the table, kicking it for another year! Jimmy Hendrix's "VoodooChile" was humming around in the back of my head the last half of the evening as you were whispering sweet nothings into the ear of your new-found friend and apparent co-conspirator. It was a wonderful evening, although I think I have to call "shenanigans" on the shameful attempt to get multiple birthday wishes by blowing out the candle, relighting it and furtively whispering to it before blowing it out yet again.....and again.....and again..... and AGAIN!
Love to my Common Law Uncle Tim! Happy Bday!