Monday School and Sunday School.

I found out some stuff about Moses on Monday instead of Sunday. That's another good thing about DVRs. Unless the movie was fiction, I found out that Moses was found in a picnic basket shootin' the rapids on the Nile, somewhere around one of the Grunlick's Palaces. As it turned out, the girl that found him lived in the palace and was given permission to keep him cause he was still little, still wearin' Pampers. That's when the trouble began.

You see, when you lived in the palace you ended up getting a fine education. Moses eventually turned out to be one of those Harvard, Yale, Princeton types that could read, write and do Rithmatick. Over the long haul, this really pissed off the Gruntlicks cause they were all pretty Bonehead stupid. In any event, years after he got his diploma and decided it was time to do something with his life, he decided to move outta town and maybe use some of that education. Since he liked property development and political science, that's what he decided to get into.

He found out about The Promised Land and figured it would be better than living in Dixie Garden so he decided to move there. That wasn't a big issue but when he decided to take his constituents with him, the fecal matter hit the fan. He had to do all kinds of stuff to get them freed.

He turned the river red, redder than the Red River on the other side of Shreveport and he sent a whole bunch of bugs there, worse than Skeeta Bugs in the middle of the rainy season down here. He knew he was gonna get in a whole lot of trouble with the EPA so he fixed the river. I think he called the Orkin Man and fixed the bug situation but even that didn't work. I think he poisoned one of the Grunlick's first born kids and that seemed to do the trick.

Wayne, keep that in mind cause it will prolly come up in a test. It's important to remember that cause them Gruntlicks hold a grudge longer than people from Tennessee do.

In any event, Moses took all of them across the land and headed toward Israel, a place they called the land of milk and honey. Before they made it, Grunlick and his group got really pissed and decided to go get em. They hadn't learned they lesson so they were drowned and that was that.

When they got there, Moses was wore slap out and he died. That brought on more trouble especially when the Gruntlicks discovered that the Promised Land was better than the tents they were living in. The Israeli Defense Force were a lot better at fightin' so when the Gruntlicks showed up, they kicked their asses real good. This pissed em' off even more and a Gruntlick holds a grudge real long.

Now, after all this time and all that fightin', the Gruntlicks have adopted that Shicklgruber Maneuver more than ever. You would think that after the Moshe Dyan Maneuver, they would have learned their lessons but they haven't. My people tell me they're still mad cause a woman kicked their asses. Remember that Golda Myer woman or whatever her name was? You see, that's why the Gruntlicks don't like women. Deep down inside they know a woman can whip their asses anytime they want to. They didn't like Margret Thatcher either. They like the way Bill Clinton runs his hoes so that's why they donate all that cash to him. I'm glas we got this straight.

I have to go now but I'll have some more Monday School lessons later. Pass along the information if you want to but be sure to watch out for your donkeys or goats if you have any. Those Gruntlicks are  comin' to town sooner or later and you know how they are.

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Translate THIS!!!

Wow! I've gotten responses by email and even text message. So, for those of you who have already read the previous post, I have a statement to make within the new language that wrecks political correctness. This is just a way to tell everybody to shove political correctness where the sun won't shine while delivering a message that only we will understand. Try to translate THIS:

"What in the world is Bonehead doing sending the Ketchup Kid to negotiate with the Gruntlicks while they are engaged in the Shicklgruber Maneuver"?

(Note, don't be confused by the Ketchup Kid, he's the same guy as the Mustard Man).

Solving This Problem With The Terrorists.

First of all, I've had all this bull shit I'm gonna take. I was hoping someone would solve it by now but since they haven't I guess it's up to me. It's a thing called Leadership.

Just so we'll get started on the same foot, I want you to know exactly who we're fighting. There's no more guess work here, it's a scientific fact proven by DNA samples taken all over Europe. These forensic scientists started in China and began working their way back all the way to Egypt. They took a zillion DNA tests that eventually helped me prove my hypothesis.

Starting with Genghis Khan and his group, they started accumulating records and went backward through time. Genghis started in 1206 so that goes way back. I'm not much of a scientist but I like Abbey Scuitto on NCIS and she probably could explain it better than me. Despite that, and since she can't come over today, I'd like to begin by explaining the Y Chromosome.

When you are in the business of raping and robbing, you are going to have a whole lot of kids. That DNA thing proves who the baby daddy is and there are tons and tons of DNA samples that have that chromosome of the baby daddy. The more they sampled, the more they wanted to sample.

They went all the way back to the first Pharaohs. The first one was named Narmer and his DNA had that same chromosome as Genghis Khan. Talk about a long list of great grandpa's back in time. Narmer was having babies in 3,000 years BC. That's when the light bulb came on for me.

Narmer had a kid he named Summus. When Summus had his first kid, it was a girl and when she got married, she married a Shiek named Gruntlick. Wanting to honor the head of the family, they named the first boy, Summus Gruntlick. Dupe knew all about the Summus Gruntlick Klan but he didn't know who the father was. When the forensic scientists figured all the Chromosome stuff out, that's when I went to work on the the entire family tree.

I eventually found Attila Gruntlick and that was in the 400 AD time period. Moving right along, not in any particular order of time, I found Julius Gruntlick, Pontius Gruntlick, Adolph Gruntlick, Benito Gruntlick, Saddam Gruntlick, Ayatollah Gruntlick and many, many others. So far, we estimate that there are over a billion Gruntlicks out there.

You may wonder why their last names had been changed throughout the years. For the most part, it was hidden so they wouldn't be caught by the Christians. The Lamberts, the Butlers, the Whites, the Wolman Klan, the Wolfe's, the Sinclair's, the Harrisons, the Deggs, the Diables and millions more that I don't even know.

Despite the name changes, I found something very interesting about the Gruntlick name changing plans. Google "Shicklgruber" and you will find Maria Anna Shicklgruber and discover that she was Adolph Hitler's grand mother or great grand mother. I can't remember which one but Google that and consider yourself a scholar. Later on, you'll understand what the "Shicklgruber Maneuver" really means.

Before I continue with this, understand why I often times provide names for you to Google. Quite some time ago, a liberal gave me hell for some of the things I write about. After I provided my proof sheet and the link to Google, a great apology followed. Some didn't feel the same way so I did the nick name maneuver and pronounced them as direct decendants of the "Idiotass Family." You can probably find some of that chromosome thing in their DNA but it won't be from the Gruntlick Klan. Ain't that a shame? More later.