Successful Rehab through thought, word and deed.

My career plans always focused on working until I was 74. Joe Greer, a guy who was my mentor, worked until he died, and that came during his 74th year. I never knew a guy who loved his work like Joe did nor a man who was liked by so many of the people that he met in the day to day life of his career.

Like Joe, I really liked my career path and was lucky enough to like the guys I worked for during the times that I wasn't self employed. When I was working for Prairie, more often that not, it was a blast to go to work and I had no desire to retire.

Despite the health issues that brought about the inability to stay until age 74, retirement still came. Now that I'm on the 1% survivor list that made it through Glioblastoma, rehabilitation has been the focus of my thoughts.

With the changes of prescription medications that dealt with my brain swelling issues, changes in the side effects occurred. They were good changes. The meltdowns that came until June of 2012, were the most debilitating of all. Now that they're gone, a new feeling about my abilities have surfaced.

I'm not under the illusion that I could call Jay or Woody at Prairie Contractors and announce that I'm well and ready to come back to work. I'm real clear that I'm both disabled and unemployable. Despite that, I realize that my mind still operates somewhat like it used to. I still want to do stuff but the desire to do that and the inability to make that happen, has delivered a strange result. Instead of being down in the dumps or depressed about it, I used Tim Jr's suggestion to: "Pick another target, Dad".

With that in mind, I realized that there were times that existed when my skull wasn't hurting and my brain was functional enough to focus on a number of good things that I'm capable of influencing. As much as anything, that realization allowed me to pick another target and instead of making any attempt to return to work, I decided to return to "thought".

The thought part of that, surrounded helping the Veterans. Those thoughts unfolded into the idea of contacting like minded people to help me do what I can not do myself. More than anything, those contacts have already brought about offers to make introductions to attorneys who are veterans and web site gurus who can help with the formation and function that's needed to contact every Veteran in the Country. Those introductions have provided a path that allows me to play a huge part in the  production of a legally chartered organization that will have the technical capacity to reach out and contact all 22.7 million Veterans.

That may be a far cry from working for Prairie but it's actually every bit as much fun as working for Jay and Woody. In any event, I guess the point here has to focus on the values that come with thoughts, words and deeds that provides one with a gratifying transition from a medically forced retirement into a retirement that is just as productive as full time employment.

Having said these things, I'll invite those of you who are just entering retirement or getting close to it, to get ready for an opportunity to do some pretty fun stuff when you aren't out traveling the world or doing some of the other things you've seen as your retirement dreams.

Sooner than later, the paper work will be done and the beginning stages of building the web site will get underway. Get ready. More to come..

 

  



 

Thanks Bernie

Bernie,

I'm so glad to see a comment from you. I have been involved in a number of very serious editorials on the other military sites I belong to and have missed posting here for 11 days.

The current state of affairs, with all the murders and continued threats to our Country, has obviously been at the top of list for discussion. I'm sad to report that one of the sites that I belong to has been hugely and negatively effected by it all.

Things just don't seem right and I've concluded that it's probably better for me to disengage from my efforts to help than to continue with the editorials I've been submitting. I'm doing that because I'm convinced that my thoughts of helping out aren't really helping at all.  

I find it hard to believe that we are actually seeing a time where "fear to speak your mind", has outpaced the responsibilities we have as Veterans to do exactly that. It's pretty clear to me that even our freedom of speech has been negatively effected by current events.

That does not go for the Red River Valley Fighter Pilot's Association.

They are  a very unique brand of Veterans who continue to urge their membership to "Say what you mean and mean what you say".  They don't back off of anything. Fear from expressing themselves and exercising their freedom to do so isn't even in their vocabulary.

I'm not accustomed to witnessing a fear to speak freely and I often times re-read the posts that come from the Fighter Pilots, just to remember that it's okay to speak your mind even if it goes against some of the advice I get to keep my beliefs to myself.

It's all been really confusing to me as I hate to see veterans reach a point where they are hesitant to say anything about current events or why they think we are in the shape we are in politically.

I find it hard to describe a situation like that because it's so hard for me to see where Veterans, who are speaking their minds, might fall prey to some form of retribution from a higher force. I must have missed the memo about losing our freedom of speech.

Up to this point, I've really enjoyed sharing my ideas and stories on this blog. As a result of things that have happened during the last few days, all of that has changed. I refuse to be limited by edit and also refuse to cut my rhetoric for fear of offending anybody. I've repeatedly thought that it would be okay for me to say: "If you don't like what you read here, get your ass off my blog".

At the moment, I've been thinking that I only have two choices. I can wait until something happens where our freedom of speech is no longer in question or I can make a list of people who feel like I do and simply direct my comments or editorials to them by personal email.

That will certainly fit the concerns of some and still allow me to share these things with those who aren't afraid to share their thoughts, no matter what they are. I guess the old saying about patriots is true. They are a breed to themselves and those who don't get it, need not apply. Damn, I sure hate that things are the way they are. Thanks for standing by me during these really tough times.

Tim

Conflicting Emotions

Have you ever experienced something in your life that prevented you from moving forward or forced you to become stationary in your thought processes about solving a specific problem? I wish I could ask that question in a more easily understood format but I'm experiencing a whole lot of conflicting situations right now and I can't seem to move forward.

It's almost like I'm stuck on something and that I believe in the history of things so strongly, that I simply can not accept any answers that conflict with all the evidence we've been given by the history we've already created and experienced. With all the information we have, how stupid do you have to be to believe that everything is just hunky dory?

I'll be the first one to admit that I've had hell since the brain surgery anda whole lot of hell with all of the things that came after that.  I've had a pretty emotional time dealing with the human garbage that attacked my sweet and wonderul Aunt Margie who I dearly love.

Despite the emotional conflicts with all that, I managed to visit with her today during lunch.  Her sister was there and so was her younger son and his wife. She's really doing well and I'm really looking forward to having lots of lunches with her in the new place her boys found for her. It's big as a palace and she'll be treated like a queen there and I know it.

The only part of that situation that I consider to be a conflict, has to do with the perp. I want some justice done and  until it is and I find out about it, I'm going to stay in conflict with that situation. I want his head on a platter and until some kind of sentence is given to him, I won't consider this to be finished.

Crime comes with punishment and I know that I'll remain cornered until I get the word t hat his life is going to be spent behind bars and he learns that the 11th Commandment is: "Thou Shalt Not Mess with the McInnis Family.

It isn't the political situation nor is it the multitude of memories from Vietnam and Cambodia that contains so many conflicts.

Most recently, all of these things have been on my mind but now, with all the information that comes with another anniversary of 911, I simply can't seem to move forward.

I have a sense that something is bad wrong and for some reason, as far as I can tell, nobody with the news media is doing a very good job covering the specifics of things that exist today or the history of things where we've experienced global sized problems before.

As I watched the documentary presented as "9/11: The Days After", I began to see what part of the problem is. I think it has to do with the history we've experienced during all the conflicts we've had during our history as a Country. It's rock solid history and because of that, the evidence supports my concern "that something is bad wrong."

It's impossible for me to sum it up in a sentence or even a short paragraph but I'll try to do that in an explanation that won't require me to write a book to get the point across. I'll do that by saying the following:

Pearl Harbor was the attack that caused us to declare war but it wasn't the only attack, it was only the first attack. There was a very long list of attacks after that but our response turned those attacks around and made them defensive instead of offensive. It took years and years with battle after battle before that was conflict was over.

The same thing is true in Europe. There was a long period of time between the sinking of the Lusitania and the day Hitler killed himself. It took two world wars to wipe them out. One torpedo eventually led to the slaughter of millions and took almost 35 years to clean up the mess and throw out the human garbage that started it all..

Whether we want to admit it or not, we're still having to deal with an idiot in North Korea. That's been roughly 61 years ago. The French had their Dien Bien Phu in the early 50's. We had Khe Sahn, the Cambodians had Pol Pot who was just as bad as Hitler. The North Vietnamese have relocated and re-educated alot of the population there and in one case I know of personally, one girl was relocated to the north where she is basically an indentured servant on a rubber plantation.

Think it's finished? It's not and it's far from being over. We can dig back in history to conflicts that raged 3,400 years ago and they're still in conflict today. It ain't over.

There's the answer to the Conflicting Emotions I've been having. I guess it's fair to say that I know it ain't over but I also know what has to happen before it's going to end.

For now, I'll just leave you with that explanation of conflicting emotions. I may continue with this but it depends on the personal emails or comments I get regarding these statements.

A Different Kind of Horror Story

I've been trying to address a sensitive situation on the Air Cav Troop site but I've been pretty unsuccessful in structuring an Editorial that doesn't violate some of the wishes or rules of conduct for the site.

My failure to do that has given rise to the thought that I might, for clarifications sake, categorize Horror into different types.

One comes with the term KIA where we experienced the death of our fellow Troopers who were killed in action. Try to view that as watching your best friends die.

Another comes from watching our guys that were Wounded in Action. Whether it's Manny walking with a cane just before he left to go home to begin the life long rehabilitation of his wounds, or Mike who was evacuated to Japan and we never got to see him again. Those are horrible situations but we managed to live through them and eventually overcame the horror of those experiences.

Now, 43 years later, we're dealing with a different kind of Horror. It's the never ending memories that come from the dishonorable conduct of two men in the Troop that never should have been in our unit or the Army.

With as many great officers as there were in the Air Cav Troop, it's a shame to classify them in the same group the officers in question. Rather than do that, I want to clearly say that 99% of our officers were great men of great character and greater leadership abilities.

To further separate them from the great officers we served with, let me simply say that the two I am referring to were assholes and the world would be a better place without them. Sorry about that but a duck is a duck is a duck and that's just the way it is.

After 43 years you might think that something is wrong with the lingering, nightmarish memories of these men and the horrors that they brought with them. To further the cause of understanding on your part, let me say that, as individuals, I described them as "The Puke Of The Officer Corp".

I want to say that there's nothing wrong with the men and in reality, after all these years, the very fact that so many of them are standing up to the plate to undo the bad deeds that were done, should be testament enough to validate my claim. Think a minute. Who would you bet on?

I'll bet on the honorable, brave men who did such an incredible job and did it again and again, day after day, throughout their entire tour. Keep in mind that they accomplished that in the midst of some really tough times when the war wasn't well received at home and the support from there was totally inappropriate.

Add to that the fact that we had a guy that put himself in for awards and decorations for missions that were flown when he wasn't even in the unit. That should be enough justification for me to identify him as Asshole number 1.

With regard to Asshole number 2, he was completely stripped of all rank and kicked out of the Army.

That should pretty much tell enough of a story to let all of you know that using the term Asshole is totally okay and almost certainly not strong enough to properly identify the kind of slime ball I'm referring to.

If their conduct was so horrid and their dishonorable acts so impactful that they remain at the top of the list after 43 years, that should be enough to accomplish the goal of identifying "A Different Kind of Horror Story" and justify all of the efforts of an entire Troop as they move forward to correct a part of our history that has yet to be corrected.

Thanks to Mark, Bill, Doug, Thor, Curt, Glenn and the other men of the Air Cav Troop who have suffered through the years of knowing that one Asshole got away without so much as a slap on the hand. Despite all those years, they never gave up on seeing justice done.

In the words of Winston Churchill, let me say: "Never Give In" and in my own words: "Well Done, Gentlemen". Keep on keeping on. .







.

Don't Over Do It

I've created a little concern in my family that I might overdo it now that I've been given a bit of freedom from the hospital. I know that it's easy to fall into a daily concern for your loved ones as they watched me sitting on the hot seat like I was at the time. I clearly understood what it was like for them to wake up every day wondering if this was the last day.

From my perspective, after wondering the same thing myself, my recently found reprieve from death by brain cancer, sparked the need I have to catch up to all the things I've wanted to do since the tumor was found on June 22, 2009. Give or take a little, that's been almost 39 months back.

I had a tremendous amount of "inside information" that was given to me by Guy Kinnebrew, a high school buddy that works at the VA in Shreveport. Guy gave me a booklet that had all kinds of stats in it about Glioblastoma and the survival rate of those who had it. I'll admit that it wasn't pretty and a 95% fatality rate wasn't anything to ignore or be in denial of, but Guy and I both began to look at the 5% that made it passed the 12 month mark and from there, I began to chase the twelve month and one day mark.

I never did buy into the thought that I was in denial about my condition. When you have a skull saw cut a hole in your skull the size of a baseball and a brain surgeon removes part of your right temporal lobe with the tumor, denial is impossible to exist. The pain was something I'd never experienced before even with history of breaking my arm when I was in the 9th grade.

I had 64 metal clips attached to my skull with 32 metal clamps that forced my skull back to it's original shape. One day, when I sneezed in Joey's front yard, I experience a level of pain that I'd never imagined possible. It was like someone had stabbed me in the head with an ice pick. There's an experience that rules out denial.

I had a picture taken of the clips and sent it out in an email to everybody on my email list. I wanted everybody to know that there was no way in the world that anybody could be in denial about that and experiencing the pain myself, made it impossible for me to not know where I was and what I was  going through.

I knew that I looked like hell and that losing 54 pounds during chemo and puking my stomach inside out during the time frame when chemo was underway, was the only visual reality that existed for everybody in my family.

Despite that, I still had the feeling inside that the chemo and radiation wasn't going to last forever and that after a few months, I wouldn't be getting the daily shots of radiation and the almost hourly trips to the nausea department. Eventually, all that went away and even though I still looked like hell, I wasn't puking anymore and I was gaining weight.

Now that all of that is behind me, I wanted to do something to make up for all the things I wasn't able to do since the brain surgery. Friends and family have told me that the greatest thing I did during that time was surviving and that I don't need to go back and make up for lost time.

I guess I don't have a come back reply to that except to say that it's real easy to think that way when you've never been forced to sit on the edge of the bed for 3 years.

Having said all that, I plan go back to the hospital and begin my physical therapy and leg strength exercises that will hopefully put the swing back in my walk. I've already stopped using the walking cane and I feel better about the picture of me walking up-right and without the stagger that comes from atrophy.

I guess that's about it for today. Just wanted ya'll to settle in to the idea that I'm working hard to return to some degree of physical normalcy but I'm not overdoing it. Forget the mental part, I have a doctor's excuse and I plan on riding that as far as it will take me.