Uncle Sam 2 Gruntlicks 0

I've been wanting to say a thing or two about this attack in Garland, Texas.

I've had a difficult time trying to come up with a phrase to describe my feelings but when I walked to my coffee maker, I saw a plaque that Steve Dupuy gave me when I was in chemo and radiation. It says: "Find the Wonderful in Today". I knew how I felt about the two dead Gruntlicks and to say it was Wonderful is an understatement. I won't claim that it was as good as seeing a disemboweled Viet Cong that was killed while attacking one of our Firebases but it was good as it can get under today's circumstances. (Craig, do you remember that one?).

In any event, I stayed glued to the television and watched as many reports as I could about it. That's when I heard one on CNN. I was going back and forth between them and Fox to see the difference and I found a big one. CNN had a Gruntlick on there that described himself quite differently than other ethnic groups do. We hear descriptions like African American, Mexican American, Irish Americans all the time. This time, Gruntlick described his group as American Muslims. He put American first and it struck me as totally different than all the other groups. Watch out for that one.

I certainly don't expect to see newspaper headlines that say "Gruntlicks commit suicide by Stupid", but that's surely what it should have explained. They tweeted their intentions before they showed up and they were already on the shit list. How stupid can you be?

While writing this, another phrase comes to mind. I don't remember if it was Arlo Guthrie or Bob Dylan but some protest song had the words: "Father Stabbers and Mother Rapers" in it. If there wasn't some kind of connection there, why would I have thought that in the first place? Now that ISIS has promised more attacks on our soil, I guess we better go ahead and get the pig blood ready. That's gonna be a hard one so maybe bacon or pork chops would be a suitable substitute. I'll ask my people.

Regardless of all these things and the media's refusal to make print with words I would like to use, I don't see the attack as a "shocker". I didn't know the cartoon thing was scheduled but the way I see it, anybody who did would have expected a response from the Gruntlicks.

That brings on another idea. You know how those Texas boys are. They buy Deer Scent which is a thing that the hunters put out when deer season opens. Maybe we could announce cartoon things all over the country and just wait for the Gruntlicks to show up. We wouldn't even have to pay the $10,000.00 for security. We could sell raffle tickets and the guys that win could show up with their own ammo and it wouldn't cost all that money. See there! We may have come up with a cottage industry. Gruntlick Season. Proceeds would go to resupply ammo and the balance could be donated to favorite charities from the winners. Now, ain't that wonderful.

So, if you've been down in the dumps about the attack, don't be. We won, they lost and now we know to be more and more prepared. Anybody know where we can get some raffle tickets?